Could really use your support and knowledge
Hi Everyone,
So it’s been three months since the abusive AF was removed from the house by the police and he has not stepped foot back in here. I feel like I’m making progress in some ways, and going three steps back in others. I’m feeling safer because I have an alarm system; I’m not locking myself in the master suite at night any longer. I’m getting out of the house from time to time, rather than staying at home. I’ve reached out to some former mutual friends and have had a few lunches and met up with them. That’s real progress from where I was in early May.
So why do I want that same person who terrorized me when he was drunk back in my house? It’s not rational at all. I’m so stuck on the good times and the bad times are fading from memory; all I seem to remember are the times when he was so good to me and how he was before he was drinking. I wanted to forget the bad times and I seem to be doing that, but the good times we had are front and center. I’m literally sick over this.
He had some side action (the one thing he told me when drunk that wasn’t a lie) and he moved in with her rather quickly after he was removed from our house. But I also know he’s not happy with her or where they are living—he gave up a beautiful, brand new house for an old home that she shares with three other people. People text and call me to say he’s out of control and he’s gambling all night at the casino, drunk and heckling players at MLB games, drunk at local events and stumbling around. All of those things that embarrassed me so badly and things that I don’t want back...except that my heart says that I do want him back. I can’t make that stop. Please—how do I make this stop?
On some level I know that I am hurt that he moved on to his side piece so quickly, even if it is just somewhere to live. I also know that when he was sober, before the alcohol took over, he was a good person and I loved him.
Help me, please!