Originally Posted by
bunchie 
I realize now after reading the replies to this thread that in the end it does not matter why I drink so much? ; that the sole purpose is to stop and remain sober, but I am the type of guy who always asked why about everything in life; although the reason why I drink so much is because I am an alcoholic
Bingo (at least it was for me). I think most people when they reach the point of seriously considering sobriety want to know why they became an alcoholic. It's a bit like wanting the most precise watch in existence... only to realize that it doesn't change what time it is. This is what on some level I think what we all wanted, as though knowing "why" would somehow slay the monster; we would find peace, and magically be able to drink like a normal person once more.
I have come to accept my alcoholism as something like the color of my eyes. I see it every day, but there is no judgement or shame or novelty about it, it simply is an aspect of me. Obviously, having blue vs brown eyes never made me do all the things I did in active addiction, but now that I don't drink, it has that level of impact on my day... so long as I never pick up the first drink.
That is the real question in early sobriety: how exactly do I learn to go through each day without needing or wanting the escape that alcohol once provided? Going to a psychiatrist helped me answer that. Counselling was a part of the solution, not the entire answer.
Good luck Bunchie - you CAN do this.