It just seems like those two things are so far apart. The true me wouldn't ever leave the house and feels overwhelmed and scared of going to the supermarket. I feel like such a big child. I am intelligent and I understand very complex things but I can't do all these adult things. It overwhelms me to stick to opening hours, to plan things, to write a shopping list, to take out the bins, to remember to phone people or to try and find out what their needs are. And all external influences affect me so much that I feel constant stress so I automatically end up detaching from my inner self somehow. If I were authentic I would never meet people in any park, restaurant or elsewhere cause the background noise is too much and I get so stressed and distracted by it, that I can barely listen to them. It's like everything I get told to do in therapy is nothing I will ever be comfortable with. I do it, but it overwhelms me so much, it doesn't feel like me. In a way it reminds me of my drinking, desperately trying to make something work that never will work for me. I don't know how to explain it.