Trying to fit into this world VS being authentic
I'm tired and have probably been thinking too much about anything in the last weeks and days. But I feel like I very often stand in front of the following problem:
When I act and behave so I do fit into this world, have a "functioning" life on the outside, then I feel not much myself. It's like I am behaving in ways that I learned in therapy or from society to meet other people's criteria for what is normal, healthy and good.
But when I am being my true self and feel happy within, like I am really being me, then I don't seem to fit very well into this world and can't seem to meet our societies expectations and standards.
It's not about not wanting to adapt. I can adapt and I like the feedback I get for it, when people are happy for me cause I seem to have my things together and seem to make "progress" in their eyes, being more able to function. It just makes me feel empty and out of touch with my truest self. It feels like I am living a role I created for myself, one I can identify with in parts, one that I like and think is a very nice and good person. It's just not exactly me. And it is such hard work.
It feels like I can't get those two together. So I would like to know, how do you do it? How much do you bend over to fit society and how much are you being your true self? Or did everything I say just sound very strange to you?