But I just don’t know. Psychologically it’s so so much easier for me to aim for 30 days than to say never again.
How about replacing the "never again" with "just for today'? It's a lot easier to be sober in 24 hour chunks than it is to say a month, a year, the rest of my life, etc.
I have 43 months sober. I never looked out and said I'm not gonna drink for three and a half years. I just say I'm not going to drink today. And I do it every day. You'd be surprised how one little thing can take the psychological pressure off.