I’m fully aware our relationship is awful, but no matter what I say, do, explain, force, etc — he will not understand that he is the one ruining it. He fully honestly believes it is me. I’ve gotten to the point of not caring much anymore. I know he can sense this, and I think it’s why he’s gotten worse bc he can see his narcissism isn’t working as it has in the past.
it doesn't matter if he NEVER "gets it" - it is only important that YOU do. and you make the changes you need. he may be "ruining" it but you are also allowing him to take advantage, not pay rent, and on and on. and you can put an end to it at any time.
i am sorry there are small children involved. i hope there are other extended family members. but and i do not mean to sound heartless, they are not your responsibility. if he is living with you, get him out. for good this time. stop being a resource.