I’m catching a lot of grief for this. He’s constantly texting and telling me Thanks for helping or being there for me. I’m doing this for us and you can’t help me, etc etc etc.
Catching grief from the one person who cannot see what a dangerous and unfair position he is expecting you to assume? To benefit whom? Him! Not both of you! Only him. Let him dole out all the grief he wants! This is NOT your problem. You didn't Cause it, can't Control it, can't Cure it.
Detoxing is medically dangerous, just like when a person threatens suicide, it is bigger than us, it needs professional oversight and attention. I am an ER nurse and I refused when my brother asked me to supervise his home detox. No way, no thank you. That was years ago. That brother is still drinking after multiple detoxes....
So it is always OK to say no. No is a complete sentence. Especially when you have evidence from your own experience that this is NOT something that's good for YOU to oversee! Trust yourself. Alcoholics use anything to manipulate their loved ones into doing what their addiction wants them to do. That's just what alcoholics do. If he ends up in an ER because of detox they have resources there and maybe they can actually help him since they are professionals. But only when he wants it, and that is out of your hands entirely.
Glad you found this site - we have all been through the wringer in various ways with our alcoholic loved ones, I remember well being blinded by that haze....by focusing on myself and my good health and my problems, dreams, and goals that haze lifted!
Peace,
B.