Am I wrong to not help?
Hey everyone.
I posted last fall about my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend leaving me, and it was very hard on me. Even though his emotional and verbal abuse was so hard to live with.
I’m sure this is more common than not, but he called me in March and wanted to get back together. I reluctantly agreed, but even now — in July. I’m just not in love with him as I should be, or would want to be. He’s the same nasty, hurtful, degrading person. He doesn’t understand why I’m not head over heels as I’ve been in the past. He’s upset and hurt I won’t let him move in with me. Yet, he’s so nasty. I mean just very nasty and he can’t see that as why I’m not just bouncing off the walls at the chance of him moving in.
My question..... please advise if I’m being unfair.
I have been there for him (24-7) through two unsuccessful attempts at becoming sober. What I mean by being there is, he uses my home and me as the Nurse, as a recovery center. He wants me helping him through Detox and all that goes with it. The first time, I took 2 weeks off from work. I was by his side literally 24-7. The second time I used my vacation time to be by his side.
Both times were scary for me. I’m not trained or anything close to it ... everything that happened I had to use google to find an answer for. I have very little medical background. Zero really. His blood pressure would go to the point of dangerous red zone levels like 200/150 or sometimes 50/50. I mean it was crazy scary and I wanted to call life squad more than once but he would never let me. He would just want me to watch him. I’d have panic attacks that I’d find him in a coma in my bed. I’m not joking, it was scary.
Well, now he’s trying again for a third time with me. I’m not sure how many times he’s tried without me in the picture. And, I told him straight up after last time. I’m not going to help again like I’ve done in the past. I just can’t. I will support you
in seeking professional help, but I just can’t do it myself. It causes me too much anxiety and panic. I have generalized anxiety and depression that I am treated for and each time, it set me back in my own health, due to the stress.
So, he’s at home doing this alone. It hurts me terribly and I so want to be there, but I know he’s not going to stick with it. He’s already admitted he won’t, he’s only doing it, so he can drink less later and be satisfied with less. I know he’s doing this only bc he’s starting a new job and he’s not sure yet how these people will be. Once he knows the people and schedule he will be back to drinking. His last job he got away with drinking on breaks. He starts drinking at 8-9am everyday. He’s drunk by the time he gets home from work.
Regardless... I won’t help. I’m catching a lot of grief for this. He’s constantly texting and telling me Thanks for helping or being there for me. I’m doing this for us and you can’t help me, etc etc etc.
Am I wrong?