Originally Posted by
Neyce2393 
I've often though that maybe this is the best it will be with him but that thought alone is sad in itself.
Yes, this IS the best it will be with him, and it is indeed sad.
The biggest dilemma I have is that when he's sober as opposed to not he's a completely different person. When he's sober he's amazing, he's absolutely perfect for me but when he drinks he's the exact opposite.
If I had a penny for every story I've read here where some variation of this statement is made, I'd be comfortably retired...If our A's acted like they do when they're drinking all the time, we'd never have gotten involved w/them to begin with, right? If they weren't "amazing" and "absolutely perfect" at least SOME of the time, we'd never stay with them in the first place.
But he's NOT 2 different people. The drunk him and the sober him are one and the same. You cannot have one without the other, until and unless he gets sober, and that means not only NOT drinking AT ALL, EVER AGAIN, but engaging with some sort of recovery plan to address the mental and emotional issues he will encounter when he's no longer using alcohol to blank out his life.
The fact that you seem to think he will be able to do "controlled drinking" indicates to me that you don't know much about alcoholism. That's OK, most of us didn't when we first came here. Do yourself a big favor and read the articles that dandy suggested to you. Do yourself another favor and find some local Alanon meetings (Alanon is for family and friends, AA is for the alcoholic). Dandy likes to say "knowledge is power" and she is so right.
It may seem to you like your situation is unique and your A is a special snowflake, but I think if you take the time to read around the forum, get to Alanon, and check out the articles, you'll see just how much you have in common w/other spouses/girlfriends of A's and just how much your BF has in common with other A's. There's a lot of wisdom and support here, once a person decides to make use of it.