Looking for advice on healing from the abuse
Haven't posted for awhile, find myself in need of some wisdom from this group.
Recap: Was in relationship with a very abusive (mental/emotional) active alcoholic. I dare say, most likely dual diagnosis (fits well in border line personality disorder) though I am not an MD. Felt the typical emotional hook to save him from himself and hopefully us. His promises and words of love oscillated with degrading venom, designed to hit me where it hurt. Round and round, thought I could endure if he'd just wake up and get help.
Well, we know where this ended up... spirally down. He didn't hit bottom but I hit mine. Someone here with there wisdom said if I stayed, he'd take me under and I truly believe that. Thank you for that advise.
But it did take its toll. No contact the better part of this year.
The pain was so great it was visceral, all the dynamics of walking away from an angry A but also from enduring the abuse. I can not describe here, the ends he would go to, to harm me. And it was viscous!
As time passes, I am getting stronger and feeling better. Each week brings a sense (even if small) of added strength, healing and growth. I am grateful. I have a wonderful support group, seeing a therapist and attending Al Anon (albeit not as regular as I'd like). Overall I am doing well and would advise anyone in the throws of this, to take care of themselves (much like the airplane talk of putting the oxygen on yourself first).
Here's the deal. things are coming up that is bringing that pain back front and center. Not to the degree certainly, but enough.
Our class reunion
his father is dying and his family is contacting me
I was clearing my phone of old voicemails and heard his endless rants at me, and how "crazy, insult/insult/insult, awful I am" I shouldn't have listened to them..
He was very very abusive and still sometimes (not as much) I get tears to recall what I went through.
One day I hope to not worry if I'll run into him or what he may try to say or do towards me. I'm not there yet, but maybe one day.
I have started to feel my calm center returning, able to sleep without nightmares etc...
Time is a great healer, no doubt. And I am experiencing this.
Al Anon and therapy are a great support.
When it comes to abuse or trauma, is there anything else I can add to my healing process?
Thanks for listening,
TLC