hopeforme

I don't seem to sign on often but today am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have been with my partner for over 14 years - we are not married and have no children and yet despite his lack of interest in recovery I have chosen so far to stay with this man.

I can say I love him which I believe I do but then I ask myself "Why?" - I haven't been treated in a loving way in a long time. I still seem to hold onto the hope that one day he will miracously choose me over the bottle. I have gone to 12-step meeting for years and yet at some level I know I believed if it came down to wire he would choose to save our life together.

Well we are at the wire and it doesn't seem to be happening - I am overwhelmed at the thought of having to sell our home and to be without him. It is getting to the scary point were bills can't be paid and this week he "stole" from our joint account what was to pay our mortgage. He hasn't worked in over a year and has lived off of credit cards and our line of credit - spending insane amounts of money going out.

Now he is trying to convince me to take a cash advance off my credit card - which I refuse to do...but it feels like the unmanageability is mounting.

I am feeling very scared and alone.

"thanks for listening!"