I'm sorry - this stuff is SO painful.
I know you are wanting everyone to say "this isn't him, this is the alcohol - once he stops that, he'll be a wonderful, loving husband again.'
I wish we could say that. I wish we could tell you how to get him to stop drinking, and how to turn your picture of a great life with him into a reality.
But that's just not how it works.
His behavior is unacceptable - right?
It doesn't matter why it is, it just is. That's a really, really difficult thing to accept.
Even if you think its the alcohol talking, that doesn't matter either....because he still wants to drink. NEEDS to drink. So much so that he was willing to choose drinking over being a satisfactory partner in a marriage.
It's honorable that you take your vows seriously. He has not however, and in any contract, it becomes null and void pretty quick when one person defaults on it.
Consider this - make a list of vows to yourself!
To love, honor, respect and cherish yourself.
To take care of yourself, and make your life the best it can be.
Surely if you are willing to promise those things to another human being, you can promise them to yourself....and once you do, I have a feeling that things will become much clearer.
OH - and everyone else is right. Letting your friends know that his drinking is a problem, and that they can block him to prevent that kind of discomfort will keep them and you from having to deal with it - on the outward sense at least.
Sending you peace, clarity and strength. And a giant (((HUG)))