Originally Posted by
SolidKarma 
Dear Kat,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please know you are not alone, you have amazing people here on the forum, and other resources you can utilize.
I wanted to say something that I hope makes sense, and maybe will help you out in your journey.
There are two sentences you mentioned that I wanted to touch on.
Although I am newly sober, i've been going to AA meetings regularly for the past 2 years. And I have heard SO many stories from women and men that sound exactly like yours.
The thing is, you can't blame yourself and get angry at yourself. You obviously didn't WANT to do this to your family. Do you think last night you could have prevented it?
The reason I say this is because often times addiction becomes so powerful, that NOTHING else will stop you from drinking. I've heard stories of moms watching their children, only to pass out and have their husbands come home. They also didn't 'want' to do that.
Sometimes our addictions will make us do things that we would NEVER think we would do. Also, saying you are stronger than your addiction may lead to further remorse and guilt, if you happen to drink again.
Maybe you should look at your addiction as being MORE powerful then you, your wishes and desires. I know that my addiction to alcohol is more powerful than my desire to stop drinking. That's why I have to find something that has more power than me, and can provide me the power to stop drinking.
I hope this makes sense. Keep coming here and I wish you the best of luck.
Dear SolidKarma,
First of all, thank you for your response and well wishes. Secondly, what you said makes perfect sense to me. Your input is valued and greatly appreciated. I could be wrong in thinking that, but I CHOOSE to believe that I’m stronger than my addiction as it puts me back in control of my life sort of speak. It makes me feel like I have power over it. It’s much easier for me to abstaine from alcohol thinking that. Most likely due to my personality (I like to be in charge of things in my life; It’s a proven technic that has helped me in the past to overcome other things, not related to my addiction). Hope it makes sense to you. I will, however, take in your advice and try to see it from a different perspective. I’m willing to try anything to make sure a thing like that does not happen to me again. I want to learn from all of you, wonderful and incredibly understanding people here. I find SR stories deep and very personal, emotional and painful to read even, yet profound and very much encouraging. I’ll try and take the good stuff away from all of it, I promise. I don’t want the blame, I don’t want the pain and shame, but I do want to be another “success story” giving hope to others seeking a way out. I, too, want to be on “a sober bus” and stay on it for good! I know I will enjoy the ride!
Based on what you pointed out, I’ll try and be more aware as to how I view things now, and will be more careful and mindful of my own goals and expectations 👍🏻
