Originally Posted by
Kat1313 
Thank you for reading my cry for help and replying. There’s no alcohol in my house. Even the thought of it makes me ill. I’m struggling with a feeling of regret and keep thinking how I hurt my family last night. It keeps playing over and over in my head and makes me very emotional. I’m better than that! I’m stronger than my addiction! My family deserves a better version of me!
Dear Kat,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please know you are not alone, you have amazing people here on the forum, and other resources you can utilize.
I wanted to say something that I hope makes sense, and maybe will help you out in your journey.
There are two sentences you mentioned that I wanted to touch on.
Although I am newly sober, i've been going to AA meetings regularly for the past 2 years. And I have heard SO many stories from women and men that sound exactly like yours.
The thing is, you can't blame yourself and get angry at yourself. You obviously didn't WANT to do this to your family. Do you think last night you could have prevented it?
The reason I say this is because often times addiction becomes so powerful, that NOTHING else will stop you from drinking. I've heard stories of moms watching their children, only to pass out and have their husbands come home. They also didn't 'want' to do that.
Sometimes our addictions will make us do things that we would NEVER think we would do. Also, saying you are stronger than your addiction may lead to further remorse and guilt, if you happen to drink again.
Maybe you should look at your addiction as being MORE powerful then you, your wishes and desires. I know that my addiction to alcohol is more powerful than my desire to stop drinking. That's why I have to find something that has more power than me, and can provide me the power to stop drinking.
I hope this makes sense. Keep coming here and I wish you the best of luck.