Originally Posted by
BobLobLaw 
Resurrecting an old thread. Same me - same story. Much much later.
Really sad to think that I'd be going on a year of sobriety had I stuck with my commitment from last July when I started. I've spent the last several months trying my best to moderate my drinking. Trying to just drink on weekends like normal people.
That worked fine for awhile - but then Fri and Sat wasnt' enough. My weekends began starting on Thursday. Then, I'd have a bit of alcohol left over on Sunday. Not enough for a good binge - so I'd buy more. I'd usually end up with enough for Monday night too.
So my weekend of drinking usually ended up Thursday through Monday - usually taking Tues and Wednesday off. And those two nights? I was miserable every week. And honestly - the only nights I wasn't miserable were probably the first and second nights of the week that I drank. So Thursday and Friday nights were pretty OK. Sat, Sun, Mon nights, I'd pass out and come to after 4 or 5 hours. Tues and Wed nights were miserable, cold sweats and no sleeping.
Why did it take so long to finally admit that my attempts at moderation simply were not working?
So here I am. I'm at a solid day 5. Last night I slept so so so nice! I read my book for an hour before bed and had a great, and restful 7 hours of sleep. I woke up this morning feeling really good.
I'm not going back. I know that even if I'm good about moderation for a few weeks - it'll end up in misery.
Looking forward to day 6.
I could ask the same thing of myself: Why did it take so long to realize I can't drink like most people?
For me the answer is fairly simply: Because I could get away with it.
It wasn't until my life had become so screwed up a that I began to consider attending an AA meeting.
If I thought I could have continued to drink like I wanted without the on-going problems associated with boozing I would have.
I was a functioning alcoholic for a solid ten years but when I reached the age of 35 this was no longer the case. I had crossed a line by then and my life was coming in for a crash landing.
Fortunately, I found AA and was ready to consider life without the bottle. Which was a hard concept to fathom. Total abstinence?
Let's just stick to one day at a time.
Ultimately what I have learned in sobriety is life is much less difficult without the ongoing problems/drama associated with alcoholic drinking.