BobLobLaw

I've been browsing this site for months and have really taken away a good deal of information. It's been very helpful to read and learn of other peoples struggles - but more importantly - successes. I've strung together several 5 and 6 day runs of sobriety lately, but have decided, that I can't drink in moderation. Not at all. I'm done for good this time - and finally registered here to help achieve that goal.

Feels good to type that out. Maybe it makes it more "real".

I started drinking mostly to help shut my brain off at the end of the day and help me get to sleep. But now - I sleep poorly after 2 or 3 nights of binge drinking. I wake up after a few hours with my heart pounding and in a cold sweat. At 3 AM, the temptation has been there to go take another pull of vodka knowing that it'd let me get back to sleep - but I've managed to not do that. Having that temptation alone is enough for me to know that I have a problem.

For the last few years - now that I think about it - I haven't really enjoyed drinking. I used to do it as part of my hobbies - but lately it seems like I'm doing it instead of hobbies. I just instantly lose ambition to do anything and focus on drinking and surfing the internet. And, I really don't enjoy being drunk - I just like that feeling I get as I'm getting drunker.

My blood pressure has been increasing and I know that's due to the booze as well.

I feel pretty fortunate that I have all these obvious negative affects of alcohol and no longer have anything positive to help me justify the continued drinking.

So here I am on day two. I had a little trouble getting to sleep last night, but eventually slept right up to my alarm. Which is the opposite of my binge drinking nights where I pass out early and wake up at 4 or 5 AM - unable to get back to sleep.


I realize this is somewhat rambling - but I just wanted to get my own thread started and get my official start date documented. I think it'll help. This site has amazing people and I'm really impressed by all the support shown by everyone here.

Most people don't know I have a problem. I have my master's degree in engineering and a good job in my field. Never had a DUI or any other trouble with the law due to alcohol. But, I know that if I continue down the path I was on - it will only get worse. I need to take control now while I still can. I'm amazed my the strength it must take to endure 3 days of debilitating withdrawals that some have gone through to take that first step and feel fortunate that I was able to identify this problem before it came to that.

Berrybean

Welcome Bob.

Admitting to yourself or to others? It sounds to me like you are admitting it to yourself. You are here and posting and on day 2. Just keep going. Tackle one day at a time. Keep reading. Keep posting. Make a plan. Work the plan. One step and a time.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, BobLobLaw; so very that you have joined the posting side of this Forum.

Acknowledgement and acceptance that I was an alcoholic was key to my recovery. The fact that you have reached those conclusions is fantastic.

They are hard conclusions to reach. However, the fact that I am an alcoholic doesn't now bother me in the least; as long as I am an alcoholic in solid recovery, I am happy, content and proud.

I have found living in sobriety and recovery to be an exponentially superior way to live.

My bet is that you will it the same.

Again, welcome.

least

Welcome to the family Bob! You'll find lots of support here.

BobLobLaw

Admitting to others is my real issue. I grew up in WI where social binge drinking was not only accepted - but in some cases expected. Most of the people I used to hang out with in college drank heavily at the time - but grew out of it. Or - maybe they're just good at hiding it like me? But, admitting to anyone that I need to stop drinking is a really tough thing to do. Thankfully I can do it somewhat anonymously here.

Thanks for the welcome.

Exponentially superior way to live? Absolutely. I don't know how many times I've gone through a cost/benefit analysis of my drinking, determined that sobriety logically wins, and then inexplicably buy booze anyway. My turning point was really last October. I ruined a day that I had spent a great deal of time and money planning. It should have been a great day - but I spent it miserably hung over.

Thanks for the welcome.

BobLobLaw

Thank you. Support (and to some degree accountability - even to myself) is what I need right now.

dwtbd

bobloblaw
welcome aboard, congratulations on your decision!
When I first came to SR I saw mention of AVRT/RR and those ideas really resonated with me, there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum, wish you well and hope to see you around
again congrats on your decision, rootin for ya

Berrybean

The only people I admitted it to as I something I NEEDED to do were my partner, and a couple of very very close friends (who were almost like family ). As far as others were concerned I was stopping because I WANTED to. Over time this has become the truth anyway.

If I want to talk to someone about recovery I do it here or at AA. With my recovery clan who understand what I'm going on about. No point talking to normies or people who are still active alcoholics about it. REALLY no point.

BB

Venecia

Welcome aboard!

A great deal of what you've shared sounds like it could have been written by me four years ago. Reaching that point where it's impossible to avoid the reality of a drinking problem can be painful, but it also opens the door to transformation.

You're right about SR; it is filled with compassionate people who have walked a mile in your shoes. One of the steps I took -- and found very helpful -- was to join the monthly class of people embarking on sobriety. Yours would be be the July 2017 class:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-one.html

My own monthly class helped me greatly, both in support and accountability.

I also grew up in Wisconsin and agree that the drinking culture there is extreme. The seeds of my alcoholism also were sewn at a Wisconsin college. Public health research has validated that the volume, frequency, health problems, etc., are higher than national averages.

That said, many feel they are immersed in a drinking culture. One of the helpful things I've learned from wise owls on SR is to put aside questions about others' drinking habits and concentrate on my own recovery. (And to recognize there are a lot of people who don't really drink much or at all. That we're not alone in seeking a NA life.)

You're going to be OK, Bob. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders. Sobriety is well within your reach and you'll come to look at it as the best, most life-affirming choice you ever made.

Dee74

Some great advice here
Welcome to SR Bob

NulaMeansZero

Congrats on making the right decision.......

You will find alot of support here.
Ask questions

Get motivated by other people on SR
Read alot of the stories on here and see that making this great decision to better yourself NOW will pay 100X's in the FUTURE.....

Treat yourself, Sobriety is so amazing, not being tired, not being hungover, all of that will be gone!!

Keep posting daily too, Im sure we'd like to hear about you more and help you along the way bud!!!!

BobLobLaw

Day 3 and still going strong. Got a pretty decent night's sleep. It's funny cause it's much harder for me to get out of bed when I've had a sober night's sleep. Mostly, because I'm actually comfortable and content - instead of anxious and uneasy in the morning.

I've been really trying to get into better shape the last several months. I've finally come to the realization that it's pretty futile to exercise to get healthy and then drink heavily and completely negate any benefits of the exercise. I had to make a choice to either be fit or be an alcoholic. And when you compare the two options in black and white - the answer is obvious. It's just not that easy. I mean it should be easy. It's much easier to go straight home after work and not detour to the liquor store. It's easier to not sneak drinks and try and hide it from my wife. It's easier to wake up in the morning and feel good.

But, there's that other voice that wants me to jumps through the hoops instead of doing the right thing. I just found out yesterday that it's what you guys call the AV. I know that voice well, and he's a tricksey bastard. I've found that there's two things that allow me to quiet my AV. One - I have to commit to the fact that I will never drink alcohol again. That's a tough one. There are a few weekends a year when I hang out with old friends and alcohol is always there. But, if I allow the option of drinking in a few weeks or a few months, my AV can always convince me that there's no harm in having a few now - since I'll be drinking again eventually.

The other? I've taken to thinking about future me and what future me needs. And not even the distant future. What I need for tomorrow or next week. It's been said on here before - but it's true "I have never woken up in the morning and regretted not drinking".

Anyway, rambling again - but I got up early despite being nice and cozy and comfortable - and ran 3 miles. I feel great and find that exercise really helps keep me in right state of mind. Looking forward to day 4.

Mizzuno

I can relate to being fit or drinking. Yes, the answer should be obvious but... when the AV comes chiming in and making itself known its hard to quiet it down. Structured time is what keeps me level and off of drinking. Make sure that you are eating enough so that AV voice is not yelling at you by the end of a productive day.

Keep running. Keep working on building your time with sobriety. I am my best self when alcohol is not involved. I am getting stronger in many areas. You can do this and you will be proud of all that you will accomplish.

BobLobLaw

I've read your thread and see we have a lot in common. I used to run after work - because running right away in the morning was just miserable - being somewhere between drunk and hungover. But, by the evening, I was feeling much better.

And of course, since I did do an afternoon run - the ole AV could convince me that I'd earned that evening drink and I'd only have enough to take the edge off that night.

Thanks. I'm feeling more confident every day - and really think that this thread and this support is going to be enough to actually kick it this time.

Culture

Welcome BobLobLaw!!

Great going, you sound very positive .

soberandhonest

Welcome to SR BobLobLaw! I mostly wanted to congratulate you on your decision and on the three days you have in the books. Keep it going - it gets easier and better, as you undoubtedly know.

I also thought that I'd chime in on your exercise comments. Not only is exercise easier and more productive when you aren't turning around and sabotaging those gains by boozing it up on the same day, but exercise can be a huge part of your recovery. In my now 19 months of sobriety, I believe that exercise has been the most important ingredient in keeping me sober. So ... keep up those runs!

Good luck and great job so far!

BobLobLaw

Day 4 - and had my first real bout of temptation last night. I had to run to the auto parts store after work. I needed to work on my car last night - and how can you work on a car without drinking? It goes hand in hand, right? And of course my favorite liquor store was right across the road from the parts store.

That's when I realized how important a support system is in a situation like this. I decided not to buy alcohol - mostly so I could "brag" about it here. And I really like the congratulations I've been getting for each day I stay clean and sober. And while I realize that makes me look shallow and self centered - I'm quitting drinking for me. And if I can get any pleasure out of not drinking, I need to do it to ensure I keep the path. So thanks again to SR and all the people here - I'm pretty certain I would have given in to the temptation if I didn't have this thread and the Class of July 2017 thread to keep me on the straight and narrow.


I missed out on running this morning. Either I slept through my alarm or it didn't go off. I went to bed at about 10 PM, and had a pretty tough time getting to sell but, I did sleep really well from about 2AM until 6:30 AM and am feeling pretty good today.

Berrybean

Brag away! Good on ya! Excellent news.

iew101

I see you are a runner as well. I decided that starting Monday I am going to start a 365 day running streak. I used to do 5 days so my 2 rest days become 1 and 2 mile easy runs. For me it gives me a positive and healthy challenge to look forward to and I'll be over a year sober. Drinking almost took my running away completely and I refuse to let that happen. I need and love running. Booze-not so much.

Just thought I'd toss this idea out there to you

Gottalife

I didn't have much trouble admitting I had a problem. The tough part was accepting that I would have to stop drinking for good and all.

Acceptance to me was not a passive word. I could sit in the bar, drunk, admitting I had a problem, that one day I would have to stop, but the admission alone was not enough. I needed to take action, in my case the kind of action that would bring about a complete change in my reaction to life, such that drinking was no longer neccesary.

In my book, admission plus action is getting somewhere near acceptance, and when we have acceptance, the door to a new life opens.