I'm back and I'm not giving up. Today I went into work early, my manager has been a godsend through this. She is someone who suffers from depression herself, though not alcoholism. She suggested we try talking to my boss. So we went in early and I was just honest about my depression and said that I really felt I needed something to keep me busy. He agreed and said he will talk to the accountant about what possibilities there are for a part time internship type deal. I worked, poorly, but my manager was supportive and gave me tasks to keep me busy like cleaning up the office.
This evening I met with a new, fantastic psychiatrist who said that I am on all the wrong medications. I brought up my memory issues and said I was terrified of that. He said one of my medications practically wipes out one's memory. So we got rid of that. He upped my mood stabiliser, said I was on way to low of a dose for how bad I feel. He also added in a brand new medication that just came out this year which has had great success in treating depression, especially with addicts and has had great success in keeping cocaine addicts clean. They just stop once they get on the medication. I don't dare this there is a pill that can cure me, but the news felt good to hear.
He also told me a story about one of his dear friends who called him in crisis this weekend and he said he would go pick her up and take her to the hospital. As he was going there he saw her car fly by with the police trailing her. She got stopped and had her license and car taken too. I just felt really good that he sounds like he can relate and is non-judgemental.