If you've always gone back to drinking after you feel good again, my advice would be to do something different this time GreatInquiry7
Read around the forums here - find the stories that mirror yours and maybe, start accepting that there is a problem, it's chronic, and it's not going away.
To tackle this I think we also need to accept that doing things on the fly or winging it just aren't options anymore?
Think about making a recovery action plan perhaps?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D