Springforward

Hello everyone, hope all finds you well.

I have been sober for 48 days from a 5th of vodka daily for 14 months.

Prior to vodka i drank a 12 pack of beer for 3 years daily.

I have been a drinker for 38 years.

I became a daily drinker 7 years ago, prior years i drank 5-10 times a month.

I have relapsed over 10 times in the past 7 years, sober for 5-7 days at times, a couple times sober 45 days.

I know it's time to quit the booze forever.

I am taking it day by day, easy does it, staying busy, the thought of booze has come back in the last week.

I am feeling better little by little daily.

I always wonder why i go back to drinking after starting to feel better, it's insanity to repeat drinking again, hoping it will be different.

I need to figure out why i drink alcohol in excess when the result are the same, it only gets worst as i get older.

Does anyone here understand why i repeat this destructive pattern other than likely being an alcoholic.

I have lost everything over the last 8 years.

I keep thinking romancing the thought of getting loaded over last week?

What are your thoughts?