Am I an alcoholic, or did I use alcohol to self medicate?
I'm coming up 6 weeks sober. Feels great. But this time it feels completely different to any other attempt.
1 week into quitting I was severely depressed and anxiety along with rage and other common withdrawal side effects. After a crazy weekend that week I decided to see my doctor. He put me on 100mg sertraline. Been on them almost a month and have recently been upped to 150mg.
Tablets have finally started to work and I can feel a huge difference. The tiredness is kicking my backside at the moment, it's a struggle to even get out of bed, but my mental state is getting back to normal.
Looking back on who I was I can't believe it. I've lived so many years in a manic cycle of depression and anxiety that I forgot what it feels like to feel normal. I've forgot what it feels like to not be anxious. And here I am now in what feels like bliss. A happy balance.
Not once have I considered alcohol. The thought of drinking just doesn't interest me. It's as if I have no reason to drink anymore. There's no cravings, or no difficult periods of withdrawal. My girlfriend drank the weekend with her friend. There was alcohol around me and I had no desire to touch it. I made a cup of tea and sat on my laptop with my headphones on and enjoyed a documentary.
Which leads to me to question whether or not I was using alcohol to fix my depression and anxiety.
Maybe it's too early to say, but it's something I thought I'd make a note of just incase there's anyone else in a similar boat.
My resting heart rate has gone down to 69bpm and my BP is 127/78. I'm impressed with that given the abuse I've put my body through over the years. I also have no more edema. I believe that was a warning sign that my drinking was starting to affect other parts of my body,