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Am I an alcoholic, or did I use alcohol to self medicate?

Old 06-19-2018, 07:47 AM
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Am I an alcoholic, or did I use alcohol to self medicate?

I'm coming up 6 weeks sober. Feels great. But this time it feels completely different to any other attempt.

1 week into quitting I was severely depressed and anxiety along with rage and other common withdrawal side effects. After a crazy weekend that week I decided to see my doctor. He put me on 100mg sertraline. Been on them almost a month and have recently been upped to 150mg.

Tablets have finally started to work and I can feel a huge difference. The tiredness is kicking my backside at the moment, it's a struggle to even get out of bed, but my mental state is getting back to normal.


Looking back on who I was I can't believe it. I've lived so many years in a manic cycle of depression and anxiety that I forgot what it feels like to feel normal. I've forgot what it feels like to not be anxious. And here I am now in what feels like bliss. A happy balance.

Not once have I considered alcohol. The thought of drinking just doesn't interest me. It's as if I have no reason to drink anymore. There's no cravings, or no difficult periods of withdrawal. My girlfriend drank the weekend with her friend. There was alcohol around me and I had no desire to touch it. I made a cup of tea and sat on my laptop with my headphones on and enjoyed a documentary.

Which leads to me to question whether or not I was using alcohol to fix my depression and anxiety.

Maybe it's too early to say, but it's something I thought I'd make a note of just incase there's anyone else in a similar boat.

My resting heart rate has gone down to 69bpm and my BP is 127/78. I'm impressed with that given the abuse I've put my body through over the years. I also have no more edema. I believe that was a warning sign that my drinking was starting to affect other parts of my body,
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Old 06-19-2018, 07:54 AM
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Does it matter the cause?

Treat the depression and anxiety and keep sober.

The danger is that you may think it's OK to drink now that the other symptoms are being medicated. It probably isn't.
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Old 06-19-2018, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by MindfulMan View Post
Does it matter the cause?

Treat the depression and anxiety and keep sober.

The danger is that you may think it's OK to drink now that the other symptoms are being medicated. It probably isn't.
I think it matters to share the experience and thoughts because there might be others who have undiagnosed issues who may have felt similar to I did. If it spurs someone to reach out for help then it's helpful

I recognise I can never touch a drop of alcohol again because I am at risk of falling into the same cycle. I had a problem with alcohol. That will never change.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:00 AM
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I would also mention to your doctor that it is making it difficult to get out of bed.

It may still be that there is another diagnosis. You mentioned some other psychological challenges in other threads. Keep searching, it may be something else entirely - medications have to be tweaked all the time until you find the one(s) that is (are) most balancing for you.

I'm glad you don't want to drink, though! What's going on with food? Lots of it, more of it, too much sugar or carbs?
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by 16YearsDrunk View Post
I'm coming up 6 weeks sober. Feels great. But this time it feels completely different to any other attempt.

1 week into quitting I was severely depressed and anxiety along with rage and other common withdrawal side effects. After a crazy weekend that week I decided to see my doctor. He put me on 100mg sertraline. Been on them almost a month and have recently been upped to 150mg.

Tablets have finally started to work and I can feel a huge difference. The tiredness is kicking my backside at the moment, it's a struggle to even get out of bed, but my mental state is getting back to normal.


Looking back on who I was I can't believe it. I've lived so many years in a manic cycle of depression and anxiety that I forgot what it feels like to feel normal. I've forgot what it feels like to not be anxious. And here I am now in what feels like bliss. A happy balance.

Not once have I considered alcohol. The thought of drinking just doesn't interest me. It's as if I have no reason to drink anymore. There's no cravings, or no difficult periods of withdrawal. My girlfriend drank the weekend with her friend. There was alcohol around me and I had no desire to touch it. I made a cup of tea and sat on my laptop with my headphones on and enjoyed a documentary.

Which leads to me to question whether or not I was using alcohol to fix my depression and anxiety.

Maybe it's too early to say, but it's something I thought I'd make a note of just incase there's anyone else in a similar boat.

My resting heart rate has gone down to 69bpm and my BP is 127/78. I'm impressed with that given the abuse I've put my body through over the years. I also have no more edema. I believe that was a warning sign that my drinking was starting to affect other parts of my body,
I'm just over 6 weeks sober too. Also now healthily drinking tea rather than that poison.

I have also asked myself this question. Am I an alcoholic? I was certainly medicating with alcohol. I didn't drink because I wanted to get legless or because of the buzz, although I did sometimes. The idea of drinking more alcohol often repulsed me, but I drank to quieten down my anxious mind. SO I don't know the answer....but really, it doesn't matter.

What matters is, our relationship with alcohol was toxic, destructive and we are better off not drinking. That is all that matters. You can frame it however you want, but we were problem drinkers. I was drinking about 10 bottles of wine a week before I went on my final 10 day binge all day every day drinking which resulted in me going to A&E and accepting I had a problem and needed help.

So yes, I posed myself the same question regularly recently, but I don't know the answer. What I do know though, is that for me to live a healthy happy life, I do not want or need or can have alcohol in my life.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I would also mention to your doctor that it is making it difficult to get out of bed.

It may still be that there is another diagnosis. You mentioned some other psychological challenges in other threads. Keep searching, it may be something else entirely - medications have to be tweaked all the time until you find the one(s) that is (are) most balancing for you.

I'm glad you don't want to drink, though! What's going on with food? Lots of it, more of it, too much sugar or carbs?
I mentioned to the doctor and he said it's expected as its a side effect of the medication. I was actually doing much better up until he upped them to 150mg. I'm by no means out of the woods mentally and I'm waiting for my CBT to start.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:09 AM
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Hi 16,
Depression, anxiety and substance abuse often go together - I believe it can be both a symptom and a cause of mental health problems. I started to drink because of my severe social anxiety when I was a teenager. It took me years to come out of denial about it that having to drink before facing every single social situation is no way to live a life. It's good that you recognise that you can't drink again. I'm the same. I can never be safe if I drink - it really messes up with my head.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:12 AM
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Being an alcoholic and using alcohol to self medicate are not mutually exclusive!
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:15 AM
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Originally Posted by tekink View Post
Being an alcoholic and using alcohol to self medicate are not mutually exclusive!
Interdependent?
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:30 AM
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I used alcohol to self-medicate anxiety and depression. In the process, I became an alcoholic.

No one can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not. That's something you will have to decide. And, try to remember that it's just a word, a label. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then stopping drinking seems the right thing to do.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:35 AM
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Which leads to me to question whether or not I was using alcohol to fix my depression and anxiety
As others have said, it's not an either/or proposition. It's more like both/and.

YES, alcohol has some positive effects on mood and anxiety, so some anxious and depressed people can sometimes find some temporary relief by drinking.

BUT, those same people can also be alcoholics, where they want to control their drinking but find themselves unable to do so. (Or pick another definition of what "alcoholic" means... there are several good ones out there.)

The trap is to think they are mutually exclusive, namely the false idea that if drinking was primarily a way to control anxiety and depression, then when the anxiety and depression are cured, problem drinking will turn into manageable drinking. I think for most people that's simply not going to be true.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:44 AM
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Oh yeah I completely agree. I was in no way attempting to wriggle out of the fact I have an alcohol problem in order to excuse future drinking. My decision is set in stone. I will never touch alcohol again.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by 16YearsDrunk View Post
I'm coming up 6 weeks sober. Feels great. But this time it feels completely different to any other attempt.

1 week into quitting I was severely depressed and anxiety along with rage and other common withdrawal side effects. After a crazy weekend that week I decided to see my doctor. He put me on 100mg sertraline. Been on them almost a month and have recently been upped to 150mg.

Tablets have finally started to work and I can feel a huge difference. The tiredness is kicking my backside at the moment, it's a struggle to even get out of bed, but my mental state is getting back to normal.


Looking back on who I was I can't believe it. I've lived so many years in a manic cycle of depression and anxiety that I forgot what it feels like to feel normal. I've forgot what it feels like to not be anxious. And here I am now in what feels like bliss. A happy balance.

Not once have I considered alcohol. The thought of drinking just doesn't interest me. It's as if I have no reason to drink anymore. There's no cravings, or no difficult periods of withdrawal. My girlfriend drank the weekend with her friend. There was alcohol around me and I had no desire to touch it. I made a cup of tea and sat on my laptop with my headphones on and enjoyed a documentary.

Which leads to me to question whether or not I was using alcohol to fix my depression and anxiety.

Maybe it's too early to say, but it's something I thought I'd make a note of just incase there's anyone else in a similar boat.

My resting heart rate has gone down to 69bpm and my BP is 127/78. I'm impressed with that given the abuse I've put my body through over the years. I also have no more edema. I believe that was a warning sign that my drinking was starting to affect other parts of my body,
“Relatable” right down to the starting of edema is an understatement.

I was high functioning and rarely “s***faced”, so I convinced myself that I wasn’t an alcoholic for the same reasons you’re pondering. It was just to keep my anxiety and nerves in check.

You’re looking at it with a much more clear head now, but like I need to, keep your guard up. It’s great to lack symptoms as time progresses, but at the end of the day, you sound like you were having some pretty bad withdrawals a week later. The sertraline probably kept more/longer lasting symptoms at bay. That means your mind and body (like mine) had a certain level of dependency. At the end of the day, that’s alcoholism. It took me a while to come to grips with that.

So glad you’re feeling so much better 6 weeks in. I’m on day 15 and looking forward to seeing any improvements in my mind and vitals.
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:50 AM
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I understand why you are asking the question. And I also understand why so many are questioning why it matters. Because of course stopping and staying stopped is the main imperative. But I also get why you are curious.

I never thought in the midst of drinking that I was self medicating. But now that I've stopped, I feel pretty sure that's what I was doing. Of course it only makes anxiety and depression worse, on top of all the other damage it does to your health and life, so it's a ridiculous and self-defeating "medication".

I stopped drinking and started using antidepressants. It was amazing how the desire to drink diminished. Of course it is still a battle, and no magic pill, unfortunately, but in the beginning I noticed the same effect you are.

The main thing, of course, once you've realized this, is to not go back to thinking that alcohol is OK in any circumstances. You are now, finally, taking care of yourself, and life is opening up. It's a beautiful thing.

Stay the course!!
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Old 06-19-2018, 08:51 AM
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I have a very similar experience.

I started anti anxiety meds (along with another med to help urges) about 3 months ago. I have noticed my anxiety has decrease and so did my urges. I still have triggers and urges... and I also know I can not safely have a drink, because 1 is never enough for me.

Either way, I absolutely was drinking to help my anxiety. I also was drinking to stop withdrawal symptoms, because I was addicted and I gave into triggers/urges.

Congrats on seeking the medical advice, it seems that it is overall helpful. Which- I know, is a good feeling.
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Old 06-19-2018, 09:53 AM
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I'm on sertraline aswell 100mg back at Dr next week for a review has helped balance my mood for sure. I definitely used alcohol to self medicate anxiety which has others have said is only a temporary self defeating solution asside from the fact that I hate being drunk now and am addicted to it. It's been years since iv'e actually fully enjoyed a full days or nights drinking but it's set in as a coping mechanism now. I used to watch gladiator and braveheart alot on my 2nd or 3rd days binging used to cry when I watched them. Looking back it was probably a cry for help for my own 'freedom' from addiction hell.
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Old 06-19-2018, 12:29 PM
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It's extremely common for those with anxiety and depression issues to abuse alcohol. I read that something like up to 40% of people with the conditions have abused alcohol to some level. Mostly coming down to alcohol working in a similar way to many mental health prescription medications.
I dealt with severe anxiety issues for years, and once I found alcohol, I thought I found "it", the miracle cure to my issues. And it did work, in fact it worked too well that it drove me into full blown alcoholism, turning my "cure" into a complete nightmare making my anxiety and depression a million times worse.
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Old 06-19-2018, 02:03 PM
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Each person's "history" with alcohol is different. Many started out drinking socially only but didn't become addicted at first. Then, some may turn to alcohol to ease stress, relieve tension, "feel good", cut loose,whatever....you get the picture. But if people keep drinking and drinking more and more and more frequently, it turns into a dependence and they feel they can't live without it and they absolutely HAVE to have it in various situations and even on a daily basis. I remember during my college years one of my sisters said she could not get out of a dance for and dance unless she had guzzled 3-4 beers first. And I thought, why can't a person just dance without it? I always could .It's like it then became what they primarily used to "feel good". Myself, it's always been faith, fitness and music as my "go to". But I got into some trouble with depression later in life that threw me for a loop and that was a game changer for me. I needed help for my depression and finally got it and got better, but not until I tried alcohol to help, which by the way....is the WORST antidepressant on the market. I know people have used it medicinally for ages, but it doesn't help depression.

In answer to your question, yes, I think many people self medicate with alcohol.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:04 PM
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I have a dual diagnosis, substance abuse disorder and bipolar disorder.

The correlation between substance abuse, particularly alcohol and cocaine, and bipolar disorder is frightening. I chased the depression with alcohol and the mania with blow.

At some point the substance use took on a life of its own, and they start to cause the very issues that I was using them to self-medicate against.

I think anxiety is a sticky wicket. Benzos 'n booze 'n such are extremely effective in quelling anxiety in the short term. A bit too effective. They are also fiercely addictive. Tolerance develops, and eventually the anxiety is worse than when you started. I think these medications can be effective in the short term, but aren't long term solutions.

Glad you're pursuing CBT and using an SSRI against the anxiety. Probably safer for an addict. CBT is HUGE for me against anxiety and in sobriety.
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Old 06-19-2018, 04:31 PM
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I 'self medicated' for 20 years against anxiety.... also in the sertraline club - went 50 -100 -150 but havnt had noticeable change from the 150 amount - hope you notice a drastic improvement.

Almost exhausted the SSRI family !

Had first CBT Monday, so in a similar place
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