Amends, apologies, restitution etc. mean little if the behavior doesn’t change. What the AA program hopefully brings about is **clarity and a change in ones actions. We do the best we can yet often fall short but then who doesn't.
Originally Posted by
fini 
.... unless you are a trained helper, i don't see how you could know how to help someone with all that you describe there,other than listening well, being empathetic, maybe being an example of how to handle things differently and applying " the principles"...... but i don't expect myself to be able to help with those kinds of issues on a deeper level.
And is mentioned above those with deep emotional scars may be in need of a professional. Sometimes in AA the best thing to say is, "I don`t know.... you might want to speak with a..."
** By many accounts Bill W continue to cat around during sobriety without Lois leaving. Maybe that`s why he continued. He realized Lois wouldn`t walk. In my case I knew if my wife found out she would leave. So I cleaned up my act by making an ongoing living amends.
Which over the years turned out to be one of the wisest "amends* I`ve made in sobriety.