"I have a sponsee who harmed herself by replaying old resentments, by letting family members manipulate and abuse her, by taking to heart what her ex husband says about her, by sabotaging her career, by blaming herself for stuff she shouldn't blame herself for, by allowing her mind to get lost in self-pity, self-hate, etc. I don't know how to help her with that. "
PTF,
this, i think, falls into the category of needing outside help.
i understand steps 8/9 to be about others we have harmed, and in making amends yes, we benefit and "healing" can happen for us too, of course.
it is inherent in cleaning up the wreckage.
but i did not include myself on that list of people to make amends to. though in my meeting and group that is very common, personally i find it self- centered.
and unless you are a trained helper, i don't see how you could know how to help someone with all that you describe there,other than listening well, being empathetic, maybe being an example of how to handle things differently and applying " the principles"...... but i don't expect myself to be able to help with those kinds of issues on a deeper level.