Originally Posted by
Pipefish 
Your question has prompted me to read step eight in the 12x12 this morning. Thank you for that. The bottom page 79 onward (edition from 1994) is particularly apt for your question, but it is all very good, and may help you with your question.
That's a good idea. I also like to refer to the 12x12 for a more in depth understanding of the steps.
Some time back, in a treatment centre, one of the counsellors asked why I kept to myself so much, when it was clear that when I allowed others close, all parties had the potential to benefit. "Why" he said "be miserly with your beautiful self?"
That was something I've never forgotten, because it shone a light for the first time on the impact of leading an isolated life, cutting off from others, as a result of active alcoholism and depression. His intention in saying it, and saying it as gently as that, was not to cause any hand wringing, or guilt, because there was a recognition it was not intentional; however it did at the same time benefit from being bought to my attention, because living in a bubble, I only ever considered it impacted on me. It didn't. I wasn't available to others, they may have needed company, just as much as I sorely did, but so deep in my own mire was I, it simply did not occur that I could be useful to anyone. So there was self-pity, fear & inferiority, all right there for me to see, and that my unavailability had consequences not only for me and but other people too.
This is so interesting. I hadn't thought of this. I also experience this myself. I hadn't thought of its impact to others. Did you include this on an amends list, though? Were you able to change? This is fascinating. Sometimes I still believe the lies that people don't want to be around me, I'm not good with dealing with other people, etc.
Important not to push people in this process; all that is possible sometimes is to share my experience, and it may prompt similar in the other person, or it may not. That is all we can do.
Yes I agree, but I didn't have a good experience with my Step 8/9 because I wasn't guided through it properly at all. It's helpful to read everyone's experiences and insights here.
Thank you! I wish you well too.
