Originally Posted by
Gottalife 
I read Father Richard Rohr describing the AA program as a practical model of restorative justice. An amends, AA style, goes much further than a simple sorry. It includes other elements, admission of wrong doing, contrition, an undertaking not to repeat the behaviour, an acceptance of responsibility both fot the behaviour and the remedial action, and restitution.
I agree.
But I'm trying to understand the difference between what is a true harm, and what is something more minor and not needing an amends. And what about harms we do to ourselves.
The result is often reconciliation or restoration of trust, and healing for all parties. That doesn't always mean old relationships revived, but it does involve an end to any acrimony or ill-feeling.
Both excellent points to bring up. Amends heal both parties.
The book also talks about the consequences of continued bad behaviour. We will likely drink if we continue to harm others.
Very true. Is this "Breathing Under Water"?
That's why in our daily step 10/11 we make amends "immediately".
Harms are drunk or sober. A lot of my harms, unreliability for instance, were due to the aftermath of my drinking, too sick to meet responsbilities, not drunken behaviour itself. I was also very selfish when sober and that wasn't exactly a recipe for a happy life. Come to think of it I was often grandiose and arrogant when sober too. I got up a lot of peoples noses.
What about if you were "unreliable" because you were suffering from anxiety/depression that wiped you out of energy? But you weren't drinking or hung over? Does that owe an amends?
That's cool you had self awareness of being grandiose and arrogant when sober. How did you make amends for that, or was it more a living amends?
I think of this summary of the process, in so far as self amends or forgiveness goes. Sure I did harms to others, the backlash being that I harmed myself in the process.
I understand your point, but that wasn't what I meant about harming yourself.
I have a sponsee who harmed herself by replaying old resentments, by letting family members manipulate and abuse her, by taking to heart what her ex husband says about her, by sabotaging her career, by blaming herself for stuff she shouldn't blame herself for, by allowing her mind to get lost in self-pity, self-hate, etc. I don't know how to help her with that.
Now I make my inventries, I admit my wrongs, I ask God to change me, I go out and make my amends, I keep an eye on things with regular inventory, I ask God to guide me through the day, and I go and help another sufferer when I get the chance.
This is great!
By the time I am that far along with the program, there doesn't seem to be anything left to forgive myself for. Even my worst liabilities have bee turned into assetts that can be used to help others.
I love that last part.
"We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it" doesn't sound like we are worried about forgiving ourselves.
Another excellent point. I also teach my sponsees that when we forgive others, it becomes easier to forgive ourselves. It's like a circle.