I was the alcoholic that eventually destroyed my family under very catastrophic events (mine- not theirs, they are ok). I tried sincerely for years to stop drinking. I used it to escape depression but did not see the link between depression and booze. Over time- I drank more, got more depressed- rinse, repeat.
With 28 months sobriety, perhaps I can offer my own experience with a bit of credibility.
Any person who stops an active addiction needs to back up their words- with action and behavioural changes. Daily- every day. Evidence. I would stop for a month- then go back to drinking when 'the heat' died down. I would ring a contact for AA 3 times, each time waiting 2 rings- then hang up. That way I could say that I called 3 times, but no one answered. I was a master of lies.
The biggie for me, was not just AA meetings, or SMART- but professional support. All the time. For transparency- honesty and motivation.
GP- for physical health and the depression. Psychologist to cope with crap memories and use CBT to change thinking- which effects the behaviour, which defines the emotions. AND- (even tho out of now- on call) an addiction counsellor- to work on remaining sober.
My advice to you is- STAY SAFE! Do not become a carer or a rescuer. Codependent relationships start out that way. Any addicted person in recovery should not rely on their loved ones, family to carry them. It is their burden and up to them to fix..
You have your life to lead..and I think you would not want to be exactly as you are now- in 2,5 or 10 years.
Support to you.
Prayers for you both.