Aquiana

I haven't been around very much the last week. Just waiting to see how things played out I guess. I can't remember if I posted much about the weekend before last but I refer to it as the "Weekend of Lies". Abf has been drinking like crazy. That weekend he spent drinking all day Sunday which of course resulted in a huge argument. Monday I'd calmed down a bit and was willing to forgive parts of it until I found out he'd skipped work that day, was planning to drive out of town to pick a fight with someone and of course he was half-cut. So I finally went farther than ever, I told him it was over and I kicked him right out of the house. Tuesday he came back all full of apologies and said he was going to quit drinking because his family meant more to him and he wasn't losing us. I gave in after a long discussion about it but warned him I wasn't getting conned again. Well, he lasted till this Saturday when he HAD to have a couple of beers. Sunday he HAD to have a couple more. I knew the game was over. He wasn't making any effort as usual. It was yesterday when it all hit the fan. I was sick in the a.m. and had to go to the doctor. He came home and dropped the carseat off at 10 a.m. and said he had to go back to work. My mom ended up taking care of our son so I could go to my appointment. He kept calling me on the cell and asking how I was because he was so worried he said. He was 45 min. late getting home from work and said he had to stay late to finish something. His eyes were slitty and bloodshot, but I couldn't smell anything on him right away so even though I knew in my heart what the truth was, I couldn't bring myself to do anything since I couldn't prove it. He of course was swearing that he didn't drink a thing, he was just up all night with a toothache. Later that evening he says he needs to go to a hockey meeting and since he seemed alright at that point I didn't argue too much about the vehicle. Dumb me, by the time he came home he was hammered. Just about drove right on to the lawn as a matter of fact. So I got angrier than ever before. He denied being drunk, of course but this time I could smell it. After about 2 hours worth of fighting and trying to get him out, I told my lie of the evening and told him I'd called the police and they were on their way over. He's on probation still for his previous impaired so he can be arrested for drinking. He left and I haven't seen nor heard from him since. He phoned at about 12:30 last night from a payphone but I didn't answer.

What I did find out today is that he never went back to work yesterday. His boss called for him this morning and told me. He never went today obviously either. He'll be lucky if he has a job anymore. If he did bother to call them at all today he probably used me or the baby as his excuse for not going. His boss asked about both of us this morning and I said we were just fine. I feel really bad for his boss. He's a really nice man and he's been very good to us since abf started working their. Another casualty in abf's life I suppose. Oh, and I found coolers in the vehicle this morning when I took the baby out. Basically everything he's said to us the last couple of days has been lies again. He wasn't calling me yesterday because he was worried, he was calling me so I wouldn't call his work and find out he wasn't there. I can't handle hearing anymore lies coming out of his mouth.

Please everyone pray that I have the strength to follow through with it this time. I've been getting a little weaker this afternoon. Financially, baby and I are going to have a really tough go at it for a while. I have a feeling I'll be in some debt. I have to try to decide whether remain on maternity leave and almost certainly go a bit more into debt or go back to work but have to put him in day care which I really didn't want to do yet. Oh and I'm a little scared to be alone. I'll have to keep telling myself I can do this... I can do this....I didn't want to but I can.

Sorry so long. I'm not a very happy girl, I was hoping it would never go this far.