Aquiana

I haven't been around very much the last week. Just waiting to see how things played out I guess. I can't remember if I posted much about the weekend before last but I refer to it as the "Weekend of Lies". Abf has been drinking like crazy. That weekend he spent drinking all day Sunday which of course resulted in a huge argument. Monday I'd calmed down a bit and was willing to forgive parts of it until I found out he'd skipped work that day, was planning to drive out of town to pick a fight with someone and of course he was half-cut. So I finally went farther than ever, I told him it was over and I kicked him right out of the house. Tuesday he came back all full of apologies and said he was going to quit drinking because his family meant more to him and he wasn't losing us. I gave in after a long discussion about it but warned him I wasn't getting conned again. Well, he lasted till this Saturday when he HAD to have a couple of beers. Sunday he HAD to have a couple more. I knew the game was over. He wasn't making any effort as usual. It was yesterday when it all hit the fan. I was sick in the a.m. and had to go to the doctor. He came home and dropped the carseat off at 10 a.m. and said he had to go back to work. My mom ended up taking care of our son so I could go to my appointment. He kept calling me on the cell and asking how I was because he was so worried he said. He was 45 min. late getting home from work and said he had to stay late to finish something. His eyes were slitty and bloodshot, but I couldn't smell anything on him right away so even though I knew in my heart what the truth was, I couldn't bring myself to do anything since I couldn't prove it. He of course was swearing that he didn't drink a thing, he was just up all night with a toothache. Later that evening he says he needs to go to a hockey meeting and since he seemed alright at that point I didn't argue too much about the vehicle. Dumb me, by the time he came home he was hammered. Just about drove right on to the lawn as a matter of fact. So I got angrier than ever before. He denied being drunk, of course but this time I could smell it. After about 2 hours worth of fighting and trying to get him out, I told my lie of the evening and told him I'd called the police and they were on their way over. He's on probation still for his previous impaired so he can be arrested for drinking. He left and I haven't seen nor heard from him since. He phoned at about 12:30 last night from a payphone but I didn't answer.

What I did find out today is that he never went back to work yesterday. His boss called for him this morning and told me. He never went today obviously either. He'll be lucky if he has a job anymore. If he did bother to call them at all today he probably used me or the baby as his excuse for not going. His boss asked about both of us this morning and I said we were just fine. I feel really bad for his boss. He's a really nice man and he's been very good to us since abf started working their. Another casualty in abf's life I suppose. Oh, and I found coolers in the vehicle this morning when I took the baby out. Basically everything he's said to us the last couple of days has been lies again. He wasn't calling me yesterday because he was worried, he was calling me so I wouldn't call his work and find out he wasn't there. I can't handle hearing anymore lies coming out of his mouth.

Please everyone pray that I have the strength to follow through with it this time. I've been getting a little weaker this afternoon. Financially, baby and I are going to have a really tough go at it for a while. I have a feeling I'll be in some debt. I have to try to decide whether remain on maternity leave and almost certainly go a bit more into debt or go back to work but have to put him in day care which I really didn't want to do yet. Oh and I'm a little scared to be alone. I'll have to keep telling myself I can do this... I can do this....I didn't want to but I can.

Sorry so long. I'm not a very happy girl, I was hoping it would never go this far.

cwohio

((aquiana)) we all have had that "hope" that things wouldn't go that far. i pray that you will "know" what is right for you and your baby and that you have strength. You won't be alone - you have a beautiful baby and your support here - keep posting!!!

elizabeth1979

((Aquiana)),

Maybe its in the air today. Sounds like you may have had enough of this ride.
As jazzman put it earlier...

"You push, I'll bend, you push again, I'll bend again. But at some point, I will not bend anymore. I don't stop right there either, I'll snap back straight up in your face and tell you I'm all done."

You are safe and your baby is safe which is wonderful.

Ill be thinking about you both while you deal with what you need to do (Whatever that may be!

ASpouse

Oh God, I hate to say this, but how could you have ever hoped for this not to happen? It had to happen and what saddens me most, is not you and your boyfriend, but you son, a little baby involved here who is now also bought into the madness.

I hope it works out for you. You have a very tough ride ahead of you, very tough indeed. Take care.

Aquiana

I get that too. Last weekend I cried and cried after I told abf to leave. Not because of our relationship, I've let that go a while ago I think, but because I this poor baby got stuck in this. He didn't get to pick his parents, he got put into this awful situation. I promised him though that I'll take care of him no matter what, and that's the truth. We have alot of support from family and friends and we'll never want for anything... except maybe a biological father.

I went a little further this afternoon and I'm feeling better about things. Stronger I guess. I called my brother and I told him everything. The impaired charges, the missed work, the gambling and money spending, the lies. I finally got over the shame enough to tell someone what was happening. I've never told my family most of it. My brother put some weight in to what I already knew. I have to get away from him before he pulls us down again. His lies are catching up to him again, not just here but at work and I think his house of cards is coming down. He might straighten out or he might get worse than ever. I'm not going to be around for the "worse than ever". I wish him luck on the side, but any support coming from me I have to give at a distance.

minnie

That is a MASSIVE step forward. Well done, hon.

You got your plan together? Focus on that rather that dwelling on the other stuff.

And don't be a stranger, sweetie.

Cynay

You will work through it ... many of us have.

Someone else posted and I think it was Jazz... better you and your son dont have to live in that chaos.... not a healthy place to be

Prayer coming your way.

Jazzman

SAVE your son from the madness. Draw your strength from that, your family and your friends.

Savana 54

Aquiana,
Just remember you have a little one now that will absorb everything like a sponge when he is old enough to. You are lucky to have such a great support system. Why not take advantage of it?

Hugs to you and your precious baby boy.

pmaslan

can't add anymore than what's already been said....just know that I am thinking about you and praying you will do what is right for you and your son.....

Cap3

My prayers are with you and your family.
God Bless,

ASpouse

He's old enough to absorb things now, sounds, voices, smells, loud noises etc, even barking dogs and meowing cats.

I'm in a nasty mood today, so please forgive me! I'll go back to my corner now and wait til tomorrow.

Aquiana

Just an update, and not a good one either. Everything was going really well with getting abf out of here. I was so ready to fight no matter what to get him to leave this time and stay gone at least until he cleaned up his act. I was so sick of it! I was totally 100% gung ho this time and not giving up.

And then we got some potentially terrible news at the Health Center yesterday. Our son has had pretty small soft spots on his head since he was born. Well the nurse seemed very concerned about it because they are even smaller now. It's a awful thing to hear since if parts of his skull start to fuse together before they should, (it shouldn't happen till he's almost two and he's only 6 weeks now), than his brain may not be able to grow properly. He can wind up deformed, suffer developmental problems and possibly brain damage. I of course am worried sick. I think I cried for a full 3 hours when I got home and it's about the only thing I can focus on right now. They can fix it somewhat although there still could be damage but it's a pretty major surgery.

It hasn't happened yet I know but I don't want anything like that to happen to him. He's otherwise perfectly healthy so it breaks my heart that something like that can go wrong that could mess that all up. The nurse said it could stay like that for a while but the doctor should check it. I went to the doctor today and didn't really say anything except to bring him back in three months and they'll check it again. I'm not really satisfied with that answer so I'm off to see a different doctor in a different city tomorrow. Three months seems to be a long time IMO for something that needs to be caught as soon as possible.

I guess as far as abf is concerned I don't have the energy to care about what's going on with him right now. He is still here, partly because he's totally devasted as well, (he had a good cry as well) and I guess I didn't have it in me to say, "I know you're worried sick about your son but get out of here." He did ask what was going on with us at one point since I told him we weren't together the day before but I just told him I couldn't talk about that at the moment.

I'll never forget how close I came and once the smoke clears here I'm sure I'll be right back there. Right now I'm too worried about my son's health to do anything else. I've got a pretty doomed mentality at the moment that's got me pretty frozen.

Please pray for him. I haven't stopped since yesterday and won't till it's over.

elizabeth1979

((Aquiana))

I was wondering about you earlier today!

Maybe just whatever makes your life easier for today is allright. You can always saddle up again when you feel stronger.

gelfling

Dearest Aquiana,

You and your son will be in my prayers daily. Please keep us up to date on what the doctor has to say. On the positive side, if it was serious, I don't think they'd wait 3 months to see him again. I had an episode with a doctor's nurse once who scared the hell out of me. My son had a cyst on his left cheek bone and it was getting larger. The nurse came in and gave it a look and said right in front of my son, Oh, it might be cancer." I went ballistic in the office and made sure the doctor knew what she said. And she was his wife. It wasn't cancer. It was a cyst. That's it.

Deep breaths, pray and give it to God.

Blessings

Jazzman

Aquiana, I had a similar scare w/ my second born. It all turned out to be nothing. Get another opinion for sure, but don't be surpized if your told the same thing. This is not major yet, I know it's hard, but try to give it a "minor". It will take time to know for sure but go get a second opinion.

Cynay

Aquiana...

Dont worry about the A for now, take care of you and your son.

Both of you will be in my prayers

Savana 54

Aquiana,
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your little boy. The Drs. seem to have this way about them, that they tend to scare you before they even know for sure. I think they need to learn to not jump to major conclusions before knowing anything for sure.

(((((Aquiana))))) (((((Aquiana's baby boy))))))

cwohio

(((aquiana & son))) - prayers daily going out to you!

DespHouswife

Hi there, I just saw this thread. My prayers go to your son and you. You are doing the right thing by getting another opinion. Do you have a regular internist or family doctor? If you do, it might be a good idea to explain the situation to him/her and see that doc has a good pediatric referrral for you.

I read your first post on this thread. I have been in your shoes, but my ex had a drug problem- not alcohol, but it all has the same outcome I suppose. It got to the point where I had to kick him out of the house and support my 2 young kids on my own.

I will tell you 2 things: One. Stick by your guns. If you have truly made up your mind that the relationship is over and the best thing for you and your kids is to have him out of the house, then stand your ground.
Two. This will be a hard long process, but it will get better. Once you have that constant source of pain, anxiety, financial havoc out of your immediate personal space, your life will be much better. There will be other obstacles, but nothing is harder than dealing with that.
Just my own experience, and my 2 cents