Hi
I do journal when I can. Most days i look/appear/talk/walk fine. That is all perception or actress work. Being in sales my whole life I have to leave my problems at the door. These problems come with me where ever I go.
Since this occured I get so lonely and need "lawsuit time killer" type people around to help distract me. I guess I'm using then to kill time of my sadness and they are hanging on for a piece of the pie. Then I see I need to be a lone and I'm being used so I cut everyone off change my #, emails and try to do this thing called life again alone. I am a Pisces this is not spiraling writing I'm big on the zodiac we are the most sensitive of all signs. I also am an empath so with those 2 things I struggle very hard to be by myself. I guess being so kind and not catching on to red flags once I do I have been told I love drama. I realy hate it, when I'm using someone as a distraction I'm usually thinking it is love, I'm paying people's way, helping in any way I can. I want the whole world to like me and it doesn't work like that.
I write a lot as everything I put my signature on is through being in business and I want people to understand me. I am a pretty 34 year old young lady, with some fantastic traits, and goals who ultimately wants the best for my self but wanting others to like me has gotten in me way and a lawsuit is extremely tiring the goal is to make me drop. That is what I feel like doing. I had enough and that would eliminate hangers on. I only talk about it often as I have one therapist as a support and that is all. I don't think a hanger on qualifies as that is a user.........When my therapist says let's take a 2 week break it saddens my and here I am writing to strangers in the world about my life which embarasses me but I have no 1 to talk to. If i go backwards to any one they will charge a fee for friends ie: liquor, food, transportation you name it they want it. I really want to drop the lawsuit and focus on being alone. Something I have no idea how to do...........I don't want to start the day off having a pity party and it appears I just did.. So let me focus on loving myself whatever that may be.
Very Best,
Mass Girl