Tough day with therapist and attorney feeling bad

Old 06-12-2018, 06:12 PM
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Tough day with therapist and attorney feeling bad

My therapist used to encourage me to email her. I think she is ready to let me go. It's all the same you have to learn to be alone and love yourself until then with low self esteem and no confidence we keep getting the same offenders with a different face. Facts since my first love. Not authentic.

She always keeps her phone on I had a traumatizing week i sent maybe 4 texts before i gave my mom my phone and about 3 emails keeping her in the loop.

I said today "If im too much as you have three kids and a husband and it's affecting your work-life balance I do not want to do that to you. Do I want to leave therapy absolutely not but we have been spinning our wheels for 3 years like i said "

She suggested extensive outpatient i agreed and a 2 week break. I cant start outpatient until Monday as im unsafe in here from the drunk and my move. My boss is allowing me to work whatever hours I want so if I'm in outpatient 10-4 or 9-3 i jump on the phones afterwards.

I did shower thoroughly like for an hour, ate healthy today, and look forward to my al-anon meeting tomorrow.

My attorney said out of all my clients I can't figure you out and it's very aggravating. This doesnt pertain to drunks or maybe it does. Rightfully, having a lawsuit pending it's always on your mind. No company wants to pay an assault survivor. They have requested me to tell the story 1000 times to make i did not lie, when he lied and it did not exist. The losers/narcs/drunks I dated or that heard about it said i deserved it what's one more on my odomoter. I am a very faithful girl just attract evil men that want to be saved. Every week my attorney is sending letters to my doc/therapist/ dispositions that pcp was like what happened I'm tired of explaining. It;s unfortunate people refuse to realize a crime occured and want to smear me as a hallucinoginatic if that is a word, bipolar, i knew him, the list could go on for days then the hangers on dont you dare drop that you will regret it forever same people who won't meet me for coffee unless they think it settled.....then the drunk said i deserved it then sober babe fight that until the end u never desrved that. My lawyer is pissed as i have said i want to drop, on good days tell them throw me a low number and let me move on. I understand this business for my letter and he has not received a penny from this but 3 years of victim blame over and over again is eqivalent to the electric chair.. Money is the root to all evil this is drivin me nuts and im in sales I'm capable of making good money not with this lingering on. He really said I'm the most complex case he had. Al anon is tomorrow more packing. I have the capabilities between my ebay store/mortgage industry and real estate experience to go far not like this...........3 years............

I know you are not supposed to give me advice im tired of being a victim from what you know about me would you drop. My therapist told me 2 3 years ago said they will assasinate your character, s,ear you, and this can go on for years. She said much more that was all true but dont want to go on and on. I spoke with my pastor he agrees as well as the higher power will never let you go hungry.

I hope a 2 week break from her will do us justice. There is really nothing wrong with me but hanging with bad people, in bad places, who all did the wrong things and I'm an empath and wanted to save them I can only save myself which caused a whole lot of trauma and brought on ptsd. My lawyer hates me he huffs he puffs on the phone, and i feel my therapist does this no contact with drunk today. I believe im at day 3 howver my gf did say she did call and his phone bill was not paid as its turned off so I'm going to have to let her know ty for changing the code so i would not break no contact but dont tell me about him.

If you are allowed to answer if you have been going through hell and back would you walk away and say god's got my back. Please respond i mean well my therapist is my only support....im afraid
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Old 06-12-2018, 06:32 PM
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I did shower thoroughly like for an hour, ate healthy today, and look forward to my al-anon meeting tomorrow.


^^^^ Doing good things there. When going through hell, I'm glad I kept moving.
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Old 06-12-2018, 06:39 PM
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Believer, Youtube:

https://youtu.be/b4SYofTZLvs
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Old 06-12-2018, 09:43 PM
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Just a couple thoughts...you seem to be expending a lot of mental energy on other people and what you think they think of you. What other people think of me is none of my business. Your attorney and therapist are people you pay to provide a service...are you satisfied/happy with that service? That’s the concern with them... not if they like you.

Do you journal? Your posts read a bit like a spiral...treading over the same material. Maybe re-read your posts and see if you see anything differently with a little time and space? What do you want for yourself? If your life was a blank page how would you fill it in?

Are you familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? I gently suggest getting back to the basics...food, rest, security, then building from there with lots of self care. Each little thing you do for you can help to make you feel better, stronger, healthier & more self confident. It is time to be your top priority.
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Old 06-13-2018, 04:41 AM
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Hi

I do journal when I can. Most days i look/appear/talk/walk fine. That is all perception or actress work. Being in sales my whole life I have to leave my problems at the door. These problems come with me where ever I go.

Since this occured I get so lonely and need "lawsuit time killer" type people around to help distract me. I guess I'm using then to kill time of my sadness and they are hanging on for a piece of the pie. Then I see I need to be a lone and I'm being used so I cut everyone off change my #, emails and try to do this thing called life again alone. I am a Pisces this is not spiraling writing I'm big on the zodiac we are the most sensitive of all signs. I also am an empath so with those 2 things I struggle very hard to be by myself. I guess being so kind and not catching on to red flags once I do I have been told I love drama. I realy hate it, when I'm using someone as a distraction I'm usually thinking it is love, I'm paying people's way, helping in any way I can. I want the whole world to like me and it doesn't work like that.

I write a lot as everything I put my signature on is through being in business and I want people to understand me. I am a pretty 34 year old young lady, with some fantastic traits, and goals who ultimately wants the best for my self but wanting others to like me has gotten in me way and a lawsuit is extremely tiring the goal is to make me drop. That is what I feel like doing. I had enough and that would eliminate hangers on. I only talk about it often as I have one therapist as a support and that is all. I don't think a hanger on qualifies as that is a user.........When my therapist says let's take a 2 week break it saddens my and here I am writing to strangers in the world about my life which embarasses me but I have no 1 to talk to. If i go backwards to any one they will charge a fee for friends ie: liquor, food, transportation you name it they want it. I really want to drop the lawsuit and focus on being alone. Something I have no idea how to do...........I don't want to start the day off having a pity party and it appears I just did.. So let me focus on loving myself whatever that may be.

Very Best,

Mass Girl
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Old 06-13-2018, 06:33 AM
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I agree that these people are your employees. You pay them for a service. If you are not happy with their service, search elsewhere.

I also agree to go back to the basics. Take care of you, and take the rest one moment at a time.
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Old 06-13-2018, 10:55 AM
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I was the opposite. I LOVE being alone. It's being with people that is unnatural to me.

I had to create a plan to slowly acclimate myself to putting myself on stage, by actually putting myself on stage. So many people now comment on how relaxed I look when I'm doing a presentation - it didn't come easy for me, but it did.

You can be alone without being lonely. There's a huge difference.

Wanting people to like you? That's perfectly natural. However, at the end of the day, I'd rather be respected than liked. Once I came to that conclusion, life became easier. I fortunately found a group of women who pretty much feel the same way. A good number of them are single and are just perfectly hunky dory fine with that.

Small steps forward are way better than big steps backward.
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Old 06-13-2018, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by idontgetit508 View Post
Since this occured I get so lonely and need "lawsuit time killer" type people around to help distract me. I guess I'm using then to kill time of my sadness and they are hanging on for a piece of the pie.
You don't need lawsuit time killer people really. Maybe it's time to make a few new acquaintances that will be friends eventually. No one needs to know about your lawsuit. I would not discuss it with anyone except my lawyer.

If you feel your lawyer is not doing a good job, time to get a consultation with another one. If you just want to discuss it to get an outside perspective, again, get a consult with another lawyer or even a good para-legal.

You are running a million miles an hour. You know you are an empath and sensitive and tend to be a caretaker. The question is how is that going? It's not a healthy way to be, it will run you down. What are you doing to fix that? A therapist, drugs, journalling, exercising, none of that will fix that. Only you can fix that.

Envision yourself the way you want to be, the way you want your life to be. Once you have that, you can start working on goals to get there.

You are not your "ex abusers ex", you are not your "therapists client" you are not your "lawyers case", you are you and your life is yours. These things should not define you. They are but a part of your life, they are not YOU.

You get to decide how that looks.
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Old 06-13-2018, 01:22 PM
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By reading your posts I pick up on your anxiety and racing thoughts. Any way to slow down a bit and just focus on some basics? When I feel anxious and/or overwhelmed I try to consciously just slow down, meditate, and just breathe; just breathe. I'm glad you took that long shower. Just some simple basic care things are a really good place to start. I'm feeling a bit anxious today...and just writing this out reminded me that I need to take my own advice. You are not alone. I'm going to go hop on the the bike and spin for awhile; followed by a long shower. I try to set some basic goals of self care things to get done and if I don't do them all I cut myself a break and tell myself I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow. In the meantime: BREATHE. breathe...........
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Old 06-13-2018, 07:58 PM
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Hi Idontget it508

I have nothing to comment on except I am from RI. Born and raised in the smallest little state. I don't live there any more but I can RELATE to what you shared about it all being connected, everyone knows everyone (or in my case is related to everyone).

I love it and for me it is "home," but part of the reason I live so far away is that I needed to learn how to be me.....not mixed in with the whole state.

Just know that I can appreciate that challenge and hope it eases up (and that me telling you even here you have a RI connection is okay).

Sending warm, healing thoughts your way.
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