Tough day with therapist and attorney feeling bad
My therapist used to encourage me to email her. I think she is ready to let me go. It's all the same you have to learn to be alone and love yourself until then with low self esteem and no confidence we keep getting the same offenders with a different face. Facts since my first love. Not authentic.
She always keeps her phone on I had a traumatizing week i sent maybe 4 texts before i gave my mom my phone and about 3 emails keeping her in the loop.
I said today "If im too much as you have three kids and a husband and it's affecting your work-life balance I do not want to do that to you. Do I want to leave therapy absolutely not but we have been spinning our wheels for 3 years like i said "
She suggested extensive outpatient i agreed and a 2 week break. I cant start outpatient until Monday as im unsafe in here from the drunk and my move. My boss is allowing me to work whatever hours I want so if I'm in outpatient 10-4 or 9-3 i jump on the phones afterwards.
I did shower thoroughly like for an hour, ate healthy today, and look forward to my al-anon meeting tomorrow.
My attorney said out of all my clients I can't figure you out and it's very aggravating. This doesnt pertain to drunks or maybe it does. Rightfully, having a lawsuit pending it's always on your mind. No company wants to pay an assault survivor. They have requested me to tell the story 1000 times to make i did not lie, when he lied and it did not exist. The losers/narcs/drunks I dated or that heard about it said i deserved it what's one more on my odomoter. I am a very faithful girl just attract evil men that want to be saved. Every week my attorney is sending letters to my doc/therapist/ dispositions that pcp was like what happened I'm tired of explaining. It;s unfortunate people refuse to realize a crime occured and want to smear me as a hallucinoginatic if that is a word, bipolar, i knew him, the list could go on for days then the hangers on dont you dare drop that you will regret it forever same people who won't meet me for coffee unless they think it settled.....then the drunk said i deserved it then sober babe fight that until the end u never desrved that. My lawyer is pissed as i have said i want to drop, on good days tell them throw me a low number and let me move on. I understand this business for my letter and he has not received a penny from this but 3 years of victim blame over and over again is eqivalent to the electric chair.. Money is the root to all evil this is drivin me nuts and im in sales I'm capable of making good money not with this lingering on. He really said I'm the most complex case he had. Al anon is tomorrow more packing. I have the capabilities between my ebay store/mortgage industry and real estate experience to go far not like this...........3 years............
I know you are not supposed to give me advice im tired of being a victim from what you know about me would you drop. My therapist told me 2 3 years ago said they will assasinate your character, s,ear you, and this can go on for years. She said much more that was all true but dont want to go on and on. I spoke with my pastor he agrees as well as the higher power will never let you go hungry.
I hope a 2 week break from her will do us justice. There is really nothing wrong with me but hanging with bad people, in bad places, who all did the wrong things and I'm an empath and wanted to save them I can only save myself which caused a whole lot of trauma and brought on ptsd. My lawyer hates me he huffs he puffs on the phone, and i feel my therapist does this no contact with drunk today. I believe im at day 3 howver my gf did say she did call and his phone bill was not paid as its turned off so I'm going to have to let her know ty for changing the code so i would not break no contact but dont tell me about him.
If you are allowed to answer if you have been going through hell and back would you walk away and say god's got my back. Please respond i mean well my therapist is my only support....im afraid