YCDT2, I truly empathize with a *difficult* mom (an understatement for me). I am so sorry to hear the turn of events of your day.
I want to share something helpful and hopeful, and am just not sure what will come across that way for you! I find plenty of threads relatable, whether from new and trying to get sober folks or stalwarts like Dee and others with years.
Something about your tone, and both the anger and what I picture as tears for ALL kinds of feelings feels so familiar to what I was like about, with, to - everything- my mom when I was drinking.
I can tell you that the drinking had to stop first, until I could even start to see my blaming, playing the victim, viciousness...I use those words referencing myself, and...to gently say that's stuff I hear it you too. The whole relationship she bang with my mom, so to speak, was a huge factor in my continued and "justified" drinking. I have an ok amount of recovery under me, and only in year three have I really felt like things are at a good, solid place for both my mom and me (and, oh yeah, my dad too!).
I hope you will stop drinking tonight, now, and don't let this spiral into a relapse. It is nearly impossible to see how we do have this choice, when we are in the throes, but I PROMISE you things can get better if you start a life in recovery.
I hope we keep hearing from you.