jjwinters

It's been both shocking and enlightening to read everyone's experiences on both sides of this. Shocking, because of how similar it always seems to be. Especially, the distorted thinking and lack of self awareness. She always assumes the worst and will make up problems that don't exist, I believe, as an excuse to always drink. And she doesn't have enough self-awareness to see that.

I have accepted that I can't continue to date her as long as she's an active alcoholic. And it's good to hear that I shouldn't be helping her AT ALL when it comes to any aftermath from drinking. I told her I would instantly leave the situation, wherever it may be, if she were drunk.

I spoke with her for a while on the phone yesterday after reading your responses. She reached out and apologized and asked what she could do. I made it clear I have a right to protect myself and to not be subjected to that behavior. She asked if I wanted her to quit drinking. I told that her it had to be her own decision as I also didn't want that being weaponized into resentment against me. But I did tell her if she did drink and couldn't control herself, I would leave and there would be no hesitation.

She did seem to realize that most of our problems and bad episodes stem from her drinking. She was stubborn in realizing why I had to keep distancing myself on a recurring bases. It was due, every single time, to a bad episode of drinking. I also drew a red line at driving under the influence, getting wasted while out with friends etc.

She thinks she can handle a couple of drinks and can stop. I'm sure that just sends red flags up to everyone in the forum. I had the same reaction. I have to let her fail though. I will likely attend an Al Anon meeting in the coming week or so. I already looked up a few in my area.