Really Worried About My Future Thanks to Kriging
Like most people, I guess I never really thought of myself as a problem drinker. Since I'm only 23, my binging during college that occurred 2-3 times a week seemed normal. I never really felt that different until at the end of my senior year, I celebrated by drinking maybe 3-4 drinks a day for around two weeks then really binging on that last night before returning home as a graduate. That summer after college (last summer), I noticed myself developing panic attacks and even very subtle visual hallucinations. I attributed these, however, to just being scared about graduating and being out in the real world. I have always had an anxiety disorder and have been taking a low dosage of antidepressants since I was 10. Well dumb me continued drinking on the weekends even after last summer. Into the fall, winter, and now spring of this year, I noticed that "panicky feeling" coming much more often. Mondays and Tuesdays after a weekend of drinking are often very shaky and filled with me drinking water and taking deep breaths to calm myself down. Some weeks it is so bad that I will even throw up if I drink any coffee. It has also turned into nights of insomnia and a very hard thumping heartbeat. Well all of these things that I thought were just bad hangovers or my anxiety I guess have really been withdrawal, and I had no idea that withdrawal will only get worse after each binge.
Thus, it's really time for me to stop. Completely. This has me really worried about my future though..I guess after drinking since high school, I can't imagine being able to go to a wedding or party and not even having one drink.
What I'm really asking from this post then is, how do you guys do it? I'm so young and feel like I have so much of a future still to go, however, now I feel so much less in control of it. I probably know the answer to this...but would I ever even be able to enjoy one drink again years down the line? Will I ever not find isolation in a world surrounded by drinking culture? I thank you so much for reading this and really want to begin this recovery process.