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Really Worried About My Future Thanks to Kriging

Old 06-05-2018, 04:22 PM
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Unhappy Really Worried About My Future Thanks to Kriging

Like most people, I guess I never really thought of myself as a problem drinker. Since I'm only 23, my binging during college that occurred 2-3 times a week seemed normal. I never really felt that different until at the end of my senior year, I celebrated by drinking maybe 3-4 drinks a day for around two weeks then really binging on that last night before returning home as a graduate. That summer after college (last summer), I noticed myself developing panic attacks and even very subtle visual hallucinations. I attributed these, however, to just being scared about graduating and being out in the real world. I have always had an anxiety disorder and have been taking a low dosage of antidepressants since I was 10. Well dumb me continued drinking on the weekends even after last summer. Into the fall, winter, and now spring of this year, I noticed that "panicky feeling" coming much more often. Mondays and Tuesdays after a weekend of drinking are often very shaky and filled with me drinking water and taking deep breaths to calm myself down. Some weeks it is so bad that I will even throw up if I drink any coffee. It has also turned into nights of insomnia and a very hard thumping heartbeat. Well all of these things that I thought were just bad hangovers or my anxiety I guess have really been withdrawal, and I had no idea that withdrawal will only get worse after each binge.

Thus, it's really time for me to stop. Completely. This has me really worried about my future though..I guess after drinking since high school, I can't imagine being able to go to a wedding or party and not even having one drink.

What I'm really asking from this post then is, how do you guys do it? I'm so young and feel like I have so much of a future still to go, however, now I feel so much less in control of it. I probably know the answer to this...but would I ever even be able to enjoy one drink again years down the line? Will I ever not find isolation in a world surrounded by drinking culture? I thank you so much for reading this and really want to begin this recovery process.
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:35 PM
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I know it seems impossible but you are in the right place for support. You have the good fortune of figuring this out early and never having to make your anxiety worse than it is in your natural sober state. From what I hear if you are the kind that finds it tough to stop at one drink chances are things will only get worse if you try to go back. But maybe just First focus on getting sober time. We are here for you!
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:56 PM
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Originally Posted by katman13 View Post
This has me really worried about my future though..I guess after drinking since high school, I can't imagine being able to go to a wedding or party and not even having one drink.
Quite natural. Many of us have experienced this thought.

But ask yourself for a second. What's the worst thing if you didn't have that drink? What, exactly and precisely, would you miss out on that you couldn't have with equal or greater satisfaction while sober?

I think it's a bit of a game our AV plays with us. I don't believe that people who don't have issues with alcohol think of it that way. I think generalized, nebulous thoughts like "man imagine not being able to drink..." are mostly just made of fear of the unknown and aren't really real.

Hope that sort of makes sense. You may want to read around a bit and learn about the AV and what not. Not every voice or thought you have in your head is the core you. It's good to start learning and understanding where some of those thoughts are coming from and what they are up to.

Best-

B
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:56 PM
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Welcome to the family. If you stop drinking now, you'll eliminate a lot of regret that you might have when you get to be my age.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:09 PM
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Sounds like you figured it out, withdrawals. Sadly once we cross that red line, we often never go back to garden variety hangovers, its always straight to withdrawals. Quitting is simple, yet hard but very rewarding. Welcome to SR.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:28 PM
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You're right, drinking seems to be promoted almost everywhere you go. You're still young with quite a future ahead of you. So seriously ask yourself, "How do I want my future to look like? Do I want to live with a bunch of regret?" And, if you keep drinking, you will keep stacking up regret after regret after regret. One thing that has helped me is to surround myself with non drinkers. It's not as hard as it might seem. I've always been into health/fitness and I find that many of those types don't drink either. And, further more, they won't likely pressure you into drinking because they will understand you are trying to be as healthy as possible like they are. So, if you're not already into fitness, I'd encourage you to start.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:35 PM
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Welcome! And, yes, withdrawal symptoms worsen after each binge. And, if you stop drinking and then start up years down the line, you will start up right where you left off and again it will continue to worsen. It sounds to me like stopping drinking is the answer to your problems.

And, you're right, it takes some lifestyle changes to be able to live a happy, sober life.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:51 PM
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Really glad you're on there. I'm young and in AA as well and I was terrified of losing my social life or of being isolated. It feels weird to get sober in your 20s and it sounds like you know that you need to. What I can tell you is I've found a LOT of amazing cool young people in AA who are even more fun to hangout with than my drinking friends were. Some of my drinking friends have fallen to the wayside but the ones who truly love and care about me have stuck around.

As for having one drink at a wedding or party, were you ever able to successfully have one drink and not think about the second one? For me, I wasn't, and it prevented me from enjoying those situations. Yes, it is hard to see other people drinking around me, and I'm still working on that. For now I've just held a drink, juice , soda water, coffee, red bull, etc. and others hardly notice. I've also been noticing that most people around me only have 1-2 drinks. That's something that I was rarely if ever able to do, and it bothered me so much when I couldn't drink the way *I* wanted to.

My suggestion? Go to a young peoples AA group. Look up the link for your local city and try to find one. It really has helped me. Best of luck.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:56 PM
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I know you're perhaps worried about peer pressure in social situations. But here's what often happens. Most of them truly won't think less of you for not being a drinker. Some of them will just respect you and maybe even admire you.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:57 PM
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Hi Katman! You're at a great age to quit, before these patterns become more entrenched. Anxiety, insomnia and a thumping heartbeat were all symptoms I had before sobriety. As cliche as it sounds, there is a life after alcohol, and it is so much better. The answers reveal themselves in the process of recovery; you simply have to commit to the process.
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Old 06-05-2018, 07:07 PM
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It doesn’t seem like the effects of kindling diminish after even protracted abstinence , and not experiment I’d sign up for , yeah?

Welcome aboard , lots of happy common teetotalers around these parts , even if we came to it later in life , and I’ll assure you phormer drunks , aka born again nondrinkers, teetotalers regret only the time it took to get to where you are now.
So congratulations on your early decision , I sincerely wish I’d have the presence of mind and intestinal fortitude to have given up drinking earlier in my ‘career’, so again congratulations .
I also don’t think it will be too long until you realize how small , very small, drinking to excess as a cultural feature really is. The world is much larger and filled with life and living that has practically nothing to with alcohol involvement.

I found the ideas from RR/AVRT to really resonate with me and quitting. There are great threads on these ideas here on SR , check out the Secular Connections forum and the other sub forums in that area of the boards.

Wish you well and hope to see you around
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:15 AM
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Welcome Katman. Another AA success here. I was three months sober on my 23rd birthday. There are really good young peoples groups around these days, great fun to be with. However it was older, wiser, heads that helped me get sober. I would make use of both.

The hardest thing is to imagine what life might be like. When you get into problems young, like I did, doesn’t give you much positive life experience to go by. All I can tell you is it has turned out quite differently and way better than anything I imagined back then. Give it a go. Your new life awaits.
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Old 06-06-2018, 06:39 AM
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Hi Katman welcome to SR . A huge congratulations to you for seeing sense early - I'm so pleased for you that you'll have so many more sober, fun filled and meaningful years to enjoy. I used to look at people drinking socially or the glamourous ads for alcohol in the media and feel envy. But those social situations/adverts are only fine if you are able to just have one or two. Not so realistic if, like me, you need bottles of the stuff. They don't exactly publicise folks lying passed out, alienating people close, making their anxieties worse, throwing up but still having another glass, skint, homeless or in a hospital bed etc etc. You're making the right choice Kat and you're making it with plenty more time left to enjoy it. Surround yourself with the right people and you won't feel isolated and you certainly won't feel like you're missing out - you'll feel healthy, awesome and glad that you did it. Good for you! Yix
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Numblady View Post
I know it seems impossible but you are in the right place for support. You have the good fortune of figuring this out early and never having to make your anxiety worse than it is in your natural sober state. From what I hear if you are the kind that finds it tough to stop at one drink chances are things will only get worse if you try to go back. But maybe just First focus on getting sober time. We are here for you!
Thank you so much! I am working on staying sober one weekend at at a time. I have successfully been able to go through this weekend without drinking so hopefully I can keep this up!
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:45 AM
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I am looking to start breaking away from my drinking friends slowly. I do have some non-drinkers and will hopefully be able to spend more time with them soon!
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
Welcome Katman. Another AA success here. I was three months sober on my 23rd birthday. There are really good young peoples groups around these days, great fun to be with. However it was older, wiser, heads that helped me get sober. I would make use of both.

The hardest thing is to imagine what life might be like. When you get into problems young, like I did, doesn’t give you much positive life experience to go by. All I can tell you is it has turned out quite differently and way better than anything I imagined back then. Give it a go. Your new life awaits.
You are so right about the hardest part just being trying to imagine life without something I've been exposed to for quite a long time. I also feel like I'll be missing out on so many of my young years. It is really nice to know though that life can still be good, if even, better. Thank you so much for this!
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:48 AM
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Originally Posted by dwtbd View Post
It doesn’t seem like the effects of kindling diminish after even protracted abstinence , and not experiment I’d sign up for , yeah?

Welcome aboard , lots of happy common teetotalers around these parts , even if we came to it later in life , and I’ll assure you phormer drunks , aka born again nondrinkers, teetotalers regret only the time it took to get to where you are now.
So congratulations on your early decision , I sincerely wish I’d have the presence of mind and intestinal fortitude to have given up drinking earlier in my ‘career’, so again congratulations .
I also don’t think it will be too long until you realize how small , very small, drinking to excess as a cultural feature really is. The world is much larger and filled with life and living that has practically nothing to with alcohol involvement.

I found the ideas from RR/AVRT to really resonate with me and quitting. There are great threads on these ideas here on SR , check out the Secular Connections forum and the other sub forums in that area of the boards.

Wish you well and hope to see you around
Thank you for your reply! Right now it is very hard to imagine drinking being "small" in this world but that is because I'm young and have been exposing myself to it so often for the last 5-6 years. All I have seen about kindling is that it doesn't ever get better so I really want to minimize its effects now.
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Old 06-10-2018, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Welcome to the family. If you stop drinking now, you'll eliminate a lot of regret that you might have when you get to be my age.
I've definitely been hearing this. I know I feel like I'm going to be missing out on a lot but I guess its better to sacrifice a few years now rather than feel like many older years are being spent suffering.
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Old 06-10-2018, 03:59 PM
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Hi Katzen

if you have drinking friends who are keeping you drinking - whether theyre pressuring you or you're pressuring yourself - there's no need to 'break away slowly'...just break.

Anyone who is really your friend will understand

I know I feel like I'm going to be missing out on a lot but I guess its better to sacrifice a few years now rather than feel like many older years are being spent suffering
.

you know when I really missed out on stuff Katzen?
When I was drinking - I didn't go to lots of things I should have cos I was drinking instead, and even if I did go I can't remember 90% of it now anyway.

I missed a few parties sure when I was getting sober, but over a decade later it's not a loss that keeps me awake at night

Stop missing out on stuff - stay sober
D
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Old 06-10-2018, 05:23 PM
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Alcoholism gets worse never better. The sooner you quit and get a plan in action the better. Life for me is so much better sober, and I've been to two weddings and several concerts sober and you know what? It was a better time. I'm 29 yrs old.
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