Welcome, you are int he right place!
Oh boy have I been there. I am so glad I never have to feel that way again as long I choose for these 24 hours to NOT drink!
You too can be that way, make a plan and start working it.
I have done so many things I was ashamed of, embarrassed of, paid lawyers for, etc... Due to my reckless drinking. I was the fool most of the time.
I guess I got over those feelings when I started to work on me and my recovery.
I am sure you will find a ton of support here.
I am glad you GF is talking to you.
Have a blessed sober day(s)