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Depressed and humiliated by my drunk behavior..help

Old 06-04-2018, 10:03 PM
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Depressed and humiliated by my drunk behavior..help

Hi. I just found this site, after hiding away for 2 days straight after a night I got way too drunk and made a fool of myself.

I was at a fundraiser event and had too much to drink. I usually always stop after 2 drinks (as I know from the past I am a different person when I am drunk). That night I drank excessively.

I don't remember much but do remember a lot of embarrassing humiliating regretful things. The part that is affecting Me most, Me and my girlfriend have lived with eachother and I yelled at her and told her to go to her parents, in front of her friends. I was freaking out on her and have no idea why. We rarely ever fight, and I feel completely ashamed how I acted. I don't even want to see her friends who were there again in my life. This part happened after the fundraiser.

Her family was also at the fundraiser, and i cant even remember a lot from there. But i know that i acted and said so many regretful things. I am not 100% sure of everything I did but I vaguely remember acting like an idiot around them.

I seriously don't even want to see her family again because I'm so humiliated and ashamed. And all the people who were there. My gf said someone was yelling saying that "her boyfriend " is a drunken mess.

I am happy that my girlfriend is talking to me and going to move on from it. But I can't seem to move on.

I am so depressed, haven't been wanting to get out of bed or see or talk to anyone 2 straight days now. I am still vomiting thinking of my actions and just feel like I want to crawl into a hole forever. Not really sure what to do so I came here.
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:09 PM
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Welcome to SR, Dasher. I am sorry for your circumstances. I think most all of us can identify with how you are feeling.

Do you want to stop drinking completely? If so, you will find a lot of support here. I hope you will stick around and read the forums. Please keep posting, it will help.

Again, welcome!
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:43 PM
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Hi Dasher and welcome.

Many of us have been in very similar situations to yours, that on occasion we are likely to drink far more than intended and lose control of our behaviour putting ourselves and others at risk.

This is a pretty terrifying state to be in when you look at it in hindsight. Many of us have also carried on drinking in the full knowledge that these events will happen. The truth is that they happen more frequently as you age and as alcoholism gathers momentum.

There is a way to stop these events ever happening again and that is abstinence. You have come to the right place.

Also, quit the self-loathing, etc. Pick yourself up and be thankful for what you have.
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:48 PM
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Feel sorry for you GF. Lucky you she's still around. We should all realize the bad things we say/do and note it down somewhere. Mere reading through it will keep us in check from repeating. Please continue posting here daily. I have received lot of support and guidance here, so will you!
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Old 06-04-2018, 11:57 PM
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Hi Dasher I can relate too.

It feels so good to know those days are behind me - and they can be for your too.

For the simple act of quitting drinking, I got my life, and the real me back

D
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Old 06-05-2018, 12:08 AM
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Good morning Dasher and welcome to SR. I honestly don't think that there's many of us here who haven't been in your position at the moment. The main thing is to try to move on from here. It's an awful, sickly feeling knowing that you've hurt others through drink but as those before me have said you now have the chance to take this opportunity to move forward in a positive way. Hugs to you and hope to see you here at SR. Yix x
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Old 06-05-2018, 04:49 AM
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I was the same way, and would make my self sick worrying over what I did, what I thought I did, and most terrifying, what I couldn't remember.

But you cannot change what happened. Many people at the fundraiser will have already forgotten about you, because they have their own lives to worry about. But the family and friends, they may remember. The only thing you can do to bridge the gap and build trust again, is to change. Sobriety will open the door to making those changes, where you can earn trust not only with them, but with yourself.
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:40 AM
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Welcome. I'm pretty sure most of us understand exactly where you are. I sure do. And even now, after some sober time, past events will pop up and I cringe....then I remind myself, I never have to do anything drunken and stupid again. Provided I don't drink.

For me, the best way to deal with the shame of my behavior is to own it. Not catastrophize or assume I know what others are thinking of me. Own my part, apologize. And work each day to prevent the behavior from ever happening again. And mostly, forgive myself and move on. I remember that, more than likely, if I was the sober one and witnessed a drunk acting insane, I would simply feel sorry for them. Don't let this hold you in shame. Own it, deal with it, move on.
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:56 AM
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It took me a lot longer than I wish it had to realize this, but what I found is that the greatest gift I could give myself and those I care about - and the world around me - was to:

Use those feelings of shame and regret as a powerful reason to embrace sobriety.

Make a choice to live a sober life and give my best while being my best.

Act in support of that choice.


Those shameful feelings, that regret, then turned into blessings - gifts. My life changed for the better and the shame and regret are gone.
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:57 AM
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By the way - I lived almost the exact situation you describe except that I also landed in the police station twice in one night in my version.....

Still it was almost 20 years of more suffering before I chose to change.

I hope you don’t wait....
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:47 AM
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Hi, I hope you read the responses here. And welcome.

I, too, understand how you feel. It’s a horrible feeling. I would encourage you to really look at it, (it sounds like you are) and use this horrible feeling in a positive way. You can move forward. I’m reminded of my best friend, who has a foster child who she is teaching to adequately apologize. I’m 41 years old and didn’t know how to apologize until I visited her home recently.

I’m sorry for...
I’m sorry because....
I hurt/troubled/embarrassed, etc. you by...
This is what I will do/am doing to move forward...
Ask for forgiveness.

And the question is, what will you do to move forward? If you believe that you have a problem with alcohol, there are so many resources here to help.

I became sick of major episodes like that you’ve described here, and less major but equally embarrassing and hurtful ones, day after day after week after month after year, and I pulled myself out of bed and used the tools on this site to move forward. My life has become more meaningful and pleasant from it. My drinking days didn’t involve drunken car crashes, jail, lost jobs, or living on the streets, although others did. Mine just looked like this story here. Finally I decided I didn’t want a life that looked like this, ever again.

The feelings you’ve described are awful, but dwelling there isn’t healthy. It’s a powerful place to be. You can rise out of those feelings with your integrity, if you have a good plan. The plan can be very simple and it’s yours to make.

Hugs to you, and thanks for your story.

In gratitude

Bexxed
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:53 AM
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Dasher, I think we have all done things that we regret, but it's important to try to let go of the negative feelings and to move on. Shame and guilt led me back to drinking many times. I hope you are ready to stop drinking and live a sober life.
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Old 06-05-2018, 07:45 AM
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Dasher, we can't change what's already happened, but we sure can change our behavior today. Giving up alcohol will give you a chance to repair or at least make amends to anyone you've offended.

This can be a turning point for you. Embrace sobriety, be the person you know you are. You will never regret "not" drinking.
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Old 06-05-2018, 09:44 AM
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Your situation sounds a lot like 3 of my previous relationships. The only difference is you still have your gf in your life whereas all mine left me after two drinking occasions much like yours. Three relationships later and a lot of depression and loneliness, I finally checked myself into Daytox and attend AA because I know I will not have a successful relationship with booze involved.

Pick yourself up from this and learn from it. Be grateful that you still have someone like your gf in your life who sounds forgiving and supportive. Don't lose her over alcohol like I did mine, I know from experience, you will regret it and you will have a very difficult time forgiving yourself and moving on.

Best wishes
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Old 06-05-2018, 10:10 AM
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Welcome, you are int he right place!

Oh boy have I been there. I am so glad I never have to feel that way again as long I choose for these 24 hours to NOT drink! You too can be that way, make a plan and start working it.

I have done so many things I was ashamed of, embarrassed of, paid lawyers for, etc... Due to my reckless drinking. I was the fool most of the time.

I guess I got over those feelings when I started to work on me and my recovery.

I am sure you will find a ton of support here.

I am glad you GF is talking to you.

Have a blessed sober day(s)
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Old 06-05-2018, 10:36 AM
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We’ve all been there...today is a new day. Forgive yourself and move forward. Sobriety is a great gift you can give yourself, treat yourself kindly🙂
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Old 06-05-2018, 05:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Opivotal View Post
Dasher, we can't change what's already happened, but we sure can change our behavior today. Giving up alcohol will give you a chance to repair or at least make amends to anyone you've offended.

This can be a turning point for you. Embrace sobriety, be the person you know you are. You will never regret "not" drinking.
If this is a forever girl you need to address this critical moment of neglect and then stop drinking to prove you are serious. Good luck.
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Old 06-05-2018, 06:44 PM
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As you can see... a whole bunch of us have been there.

Some great news for you. One of the things you won't miss a bit if you decide to stay sober are these types of things.

Choosing sobriety - albeit challenging at times - is an amazingly rewarding and liberating experience. You should try it. I think you'll like it.

Welcome. This is a good place. You aren't alone.

-B
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Old 06-05-2018, 09:01 PM
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If you never drink again, you will never feel this badly again.
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Old 06-05-2018, 09:11 PM
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I am happy you have a GF that cares enough to forgive you. Now you need to forgive you as well. That drunken person does not sound like the person you really are. Together you and your GF can grow stronger from that embarrassing night. Use it to bounce back and make a better you.
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