Hi Dasher and welcome.
Many of us have been in very similar situations to yours, that on occasion we are likely to drink far more than intended and lose control of our behaviour putting ourselves and others at risk.
This is a pretty terrifying state to be in when you look at it in hindsight. Many of us have also carried on drinking in the full knowledge that these events will happen. The truth is that they happen more frequently as you age and as alcoholism gathers momentum.
There is a way to stop these events ever happening again and that is abstinence. You have come to the right place.
Also, quit the self-loathing, etc. Pick yourself up and be thankful for what you have.