Originally Posted by
Bullwinkle1944 
BDTL writes>>>my favourite prayer for humility....
This is your belief, I don't disrespect it, my belief is that all belief is valid, as long as it's not injurious to others. However, the 2 words on your prayer list that I see differently in the context of humility, are love and criticism.
One of the major problems and not just for those that are addicted, is the inability to receive love which begins in childhood, due to being raised by parents that didn't know how to receive love and this is passed on to the child. One cannot possibly know how to love, if they didn't learn how to receive love.
Receiving love is the greatest gift in the universe, for if I can receive love, I’m automatically giving love. There is no thought with receiving love from my grandchildren, it just flows.
Agape is a Greco-Christian term referring to love, "the highest form of love, charity" and "the love of God for man and of man for God".
There’s a distinct difference between constructive criticism and non- constructive criticism which is marginalization. Marginalization is what the Pharisees practiced for power, control and fame.
Constructive criticism is a good thing, it’s a valuable tool in the workplace that allows individuals to learn and grow. Quite often people don't realize what a great resource it can be. The truth is, feedback and criticism has helped me succeed in the workplace and in life. I couldn’t have taken steps 4 through 9 without constructive criticism from others.
Constructive Criticism helps me with a new perspective and opens my eyes to things I may have overlooked or never considered. Whether it's a peer review of my work or a performance review, constructive criticism and feedback can help me grow by shedding light and giving me the opportunity for improvement. It's important that I don't take criticism personally, it's meant to help me learn and grow and is not an attack on my skills or character.
Exactly. I'm not sure what you think is different in our understanding of these things. The prayer is not asking that these things won't happen. It is about '
detaching from the fear of being criticised, ' not asking that we won't be criticised. It asks for '
help in detaching from the desire of being ' loved, etc. Which is not the same as not wanting to be loving.
In my recovery I've realised how, in the past, fear has keep me defensive and inward looking. It made me resistant to any constructive criticism (seeing only criticism, and not seeing any reason there should be change or could be growth) . The prayer is about having an attitude of humility, asking that we will not be fearful of criticism, precisely to allow for growth, and not be fearful of it.
And Agape is only possible when we are in a state of humility. When we're not so busy looking to BE loved that we forget TO love. It is a long way removed from my old idea of love - which pretty much booked down to patching problems with people. All about me. Quite horrible now but very clearly the case on my step 4. In the past I made giving love conditional on recieving it, so fearful was I that I was unlovable. Extending our love beyond the bounds of our safe reciprocal relationships to those others who may not be so easy to love. When Jesus told us to love our neighbours, I believe that is exactly the kind of love he meant. But he didn't restrict it to our family and friends. Our neighbours! Boy, have you MET some of those people? They're not so easy to love at times. When they're cutting us up on the road, and refusing to return our smile, treading on our flower beds, and malingering with our daughter. When a pupil at work is swearing or hitting or purposefully peeing on the floor and acting horribly. When someone in the team is slacking off constantly. Humility is the one thing that can make it possible. In the rooms of AA we have the traditions and the steps to help guide us in it at least, and as I've learned to apply these to out side the rooms more and more, then the world has started to seem a happier place to be.
BB