I guess it doen't matter if my thoughts go astray from time to time in the fact of whether I'm a full blown alcoholic.
The fact is my life has become unmanageable, and I somehow along the way developed really bad coping and alcohol abuse habits. And I managed to get rid of it in my daily life but I can't get it out for good on my own.
It is not normal to get smashed before major important milestones and sabatoge yourself or get completely wasted just because its been too long and I feel like I deserve too.
So I need to learn new ways and I have tried and failed on my own.
We aren't born with a bottle of wine in our hands and it's not normal behavior.