16, please keep posting, we care about you so much! I know how it is to struggle with self-harm... I've been there. After my last binge I hurt myself so badly I needed stiches. It left me with ugly and obvious scars...
I'm sorry about your wife. Those were some hurtful words, but well done for not picking up a drink! A huge trigger like that would be hard for me to overcome...
I agree with SaturatedSeize, have you thought about seeing a grief counselor? It's worth to think about some sort of available support, especially if you feel so overwhelmed and depressed.
I'll be glad to help in any way I can, PM me if you want. Please be safe. I'm thinking of you..