I stopped drinking countless times for various durations. I stopped to end all the negative consequences that were inevitable by continuing. Financial, marital, employment, health and safety all the material aspects that were in jeopardy. And also to stem the damage I could tell I was doing to my spiritual and mental wellbeing.
When I’d have more booze it only reinforced the idea that I wasn’t really worthy of being free of the consequences, and the fog of boozing again dulled the spiritual hit.
I’ve only ever Quit once , I did to finally free myself of the consequences of continuing to indulge the desire but also despite the desire. I had always returned after stopping because I hadn’t shed or killed Drunk Me , the Me that loved the buzz and welcomed the oblivion, the Me that always agreed that just one more time or stop again real soon were actually operable goals. They may even have been , except that fog rolls in and stopping again fades futher into the distance.
When I Quit and decided to let Drunk Me die , I was deciding that along with being free of all the negative consequences I was at the same time deciding to never again feel the buzz and shun the oblivion.
Two seconds before making a BP I’d have never believed how much “I” prefer being teetotaler Me , and how much that preference continually deepens and grows the further from my Last drink I am.
Don’t ever stop trying , but you only quit once and I know You can , even if you don’t believe it yet.
You can do this, Rootin for ya