A lot of people deal with this early on.
It's the act of recovering . In a lot of ways early on, I felt like a bigger mess because I was so all over the place. I really thought "THIS SHOULD FEEL BETTER THAN THIS!!!"
What it was, was, I was doing all of this new stuff dealing with life without booze and I didn't know how to do it. It simply became a matter of going through the motions until my emotions could catch up and stabilize with the time I put in. Things will level out and make more sense the more time you put in.
I really wished some of the 12 step programs didn't sort of candy color some of the "miracles" of the 90 in 90, or the 6, 9 or 12 month markers. These aren't magical times. My whole first 14-15 months I was frustrated and bewildered more than not.
It does get better though. Or I wouldn't have kept doing it. Sometimes, sobriety is down right beautiful.
I'm going to lose my father soon. I'm dealing with that a lot better than I would have 2 years and 2 months ago. Back then I probably would have left a wake of destruction for my family to clean up for months and cause incredible damage.
Now....he'll probably slip away, I'll deal with it over the coarse of a few days and move on.
That's the miracle. That's the recovery. If you hang in there...you'll be able to handle life as it comes and not wanna hit the bottle every time life serves a slice of s#it.
Hang in there.