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It's like I've forgotten how to be happy :(

Old 05-19-2018, 11:42 AM
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It's like I've forgotten how to be happy :(

125 days for me, which is great but...

I'm angry all the time
I don't look forward to anything
I can't find any joy in anything
I'm so irritable and impatient with everyone including myself
Life just feels boring
It feels like the world is ganging up on me and everything that can go wrong is going wrong

I'm annoyed with myself for feeling this way, but I am beginning to wonder if all of this is worth it. I mean, what's the point of not drinking to be healthier and live longer if that life is just miserable?

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Old 05-19-2018, 11:48 AM
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i felt like that when i quit. i was in a fit of rage 24/7 I still have my moments. But it does get better.

I had to start like thining about what was going right for me. even if it wasnt much and had to try and focus on that. that made me feel better.

In time i realized theres always crap going wrong it seems like. always something to feel crappy about. I just gotta choose if i'm gonna focus on that or not.

I'm having my moments today. It can be tough to try and stay happy. Lifes got ups and downs its not gonna be perfect all the time. But it does get a lot better then it is in the early sobriety days.
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Old 05-19-2018, 11:49 AM
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Alcohol went into my body when I was bored, upset, disappointed, happy, etc. When I first quit drinking I was impatient and immature. If you feel angry all the time try to find an outlet for it; also, try to discover why you are angry. If you recover from alcoholism you will be able to mature and develop a patient understanding. Try some deep breathing and meditation exercises.
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Old 05-19-2018, 12:11 PM
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Thanks for your post. I dont know what to say because I have felt the same way. I am just getting by and trying to to the next right thing in the moments of my days.

It's why I consider the first year "new to sobriety". It takes way way longer to become settled and most people don't give it the chance so 125 days is an accomplishment.

I have good months and bad months, low periods and really peaceful happy periods. I've been in an extended low lately but usually, it's self care.

Self care sometimes means being selfish. what do you need that you are not getting? alcohol is not the answer.
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Old 05-19-2018, 02:17 PM
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All the things you mentioned are minor compared to,

Hangovers
Liver, kidney, heart, brain damage
Loseing all your loved ones due to drinking
Financial ruin
DUI, possibly jail
Then perhaps an early death due to alcoholism.

Hmmmm, let's think about this one. If you have a rosy outcome by resumed drinking then let us all know. Otherwise find happiness in sobriety. Much easier. Trust me.
So stay the course and give it time. That's the key, time. Stick it out, serinety follows. I guarantee it.
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Old 05-19-2018, 02:37 PM
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I felt similar after I quit, and I think it's pretty common.

What I came to realize was, it wasn't that I was angry all the time, it was that I was feeling anger (and happiness too sometimes), and it made me anxious because for years I had felt just drunk. That anxiety, feeling real emotions, kept me on edge a lot of the time.

It wasn't that didn't look forward to anything, it was that I just wasn't looking forward to drinking, which is all I had looked forward to.

Life wasn't boring, it was just life - minus the one thing I had looked forward to every day, scoring alcohol and drinking it.

I think a lot of early sobriety is just coming to terms with life, on it's terms, and life has ups and downs and anger and sadness and everything else. When we were drinking through it, that's all we felt - looking forward to drinking, drinking, and making it through the next day until we could do it again. So sometimes we have to kinda relearn how to live life, the way everyone else lives it, and that can be stressful and can cause anxiety.

It does get better! 125 days is awesome, but for many people that's still quite early. It can take two years to really get fully over it, same as it takes two years to fully deal with a major life event like a divorce. And in a way, quitting drinking can be very much like a divorce.
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Old 05-19-2018, 02:42 PM
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If you want to be happy in sobriety, practice gratitude. It will make you happier and make a huge difference in your life.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
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Old 05-19-2018, 02:47 PM
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Your drinking may have been masking some underlying issues that you now have to address.

Another reason for being miserable in sobriety is doing nothing for your recovery except quit drinking. Abstinence is not drinking; recovery is learning to live and love the sober live.

What are you doing for your recovery?
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Old 05-19-2018, 05:14 PM
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125 days is a great start, but not much time compared to how long you've been drinking.

Recovery is not the same thing as quitting.
What other things are you doing to rebuild your life around something else than drinking?

That helped me greatly to find peace and even pleasure in sobriety.
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Old 05-19-2018, 05:23 PM
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Cool

Originally Posted by JeffreyAK View Post
I felt similar after I quit, and I think it's pretty common.

What I came to realize was, it wasn't that I was angry all the time, it was that I was feeling anger (and happiness too sometimes), and it made me anxious because for years I had felt just drunk. That anxiety, feeling real emotions, kept me on edge a lot of the time.

It wasn't that didn't look forward to anything, it was that I just wasn't looking forward to drinking, which is all I had looked forward to.

Life wasn't boring, it was just life - minus the one thing I had looked forward to every day, scoring alcohol and drinking it.

I think a lot of early sobriety is just coming to terms with life, on it's terms, and life has ups and downs and anger and sadness and everything else. When we were drinking through it, that's all we felt - looking forward to drinking, drinking, and making it through the next day until we could do it again. So sometimes we have to kinda relearn how to live life, the way everyone else lives it, and that can be stressful and can cause anxiety.

It does get better! 125 days is awesome, but for many people that's still quite early. It can take two years to really get fully over it, same as it takes two years to fully deal with a major life event like a divorce. And in a way, quitting drinking can be very much like a divorce.
I kind of love you right now because this post helped me so much. Thank you.
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Old 05-19-2018, 05:47 PM
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This is a perfect description of my experience.

I think it is normal to experience some anhedonia during the early part of recovery. Regular life can't complete with the dramatic stimulating and mollifying effects that alcohol has on the body, so everything might seem pale and uninteresting for a while until your brain settles back to normal.

Do you have a diagnosis of depression? Obviously, this something that is often tied up with addictions/ alcoholism, and often not drinking is not enough to improve things. I would recommend a serious talk with your doctor. You don't have to suffer like this.

125 days is a great achievement. In my experience, things do get better as the days rack up, so keep going!
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Old 05-19-2018, 06:37 PM
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Join a gym and work out your frustration. Exercise gives you a natural high and you may go in feeling angry but you will walk out refreshed and feeling so much better. Try it for 30 days. What do you have to lose? Good luck and I know you can do this.
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Old 05-19-2018, 06:50 PM
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I had to do two things - stop drinking, and build a sober life I loved - I needed meaning & purpose to fuel me and I needed gratitude to keep me optimistic and hopeful.

The building part takes a lot of work, and time and patience, but I got there and you will too

I wish you well with it SH.

D
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Old 05-19-2018, 07:40 PM
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Like Dee says, I needed to find purpose in my life. For most of my life, that purpose has been chasing material success, which left me feeling empty. Part of my story of abusing alcohol was to find a way to numb the emptiness and quash the feelings of disquiet about my chosen path.

When I got sober, my purpose switched to recovery and rebuilding. I think you could use that as a focus for now, while you ponder on a purpose and meaning to your life.

After a year sober, I could not ignore the original feelings of emptiness and set to work addressing them. It was at times isolating and confronting work, but I'm glad I did it. I found my true purpose in life - it took me the whole second year of sobriety to find it.

There is no need to rush this work, just do it methodically. One thing at a time.

The path to finding your purpose lies in knowing yourself. It helps immensely to understand your values and from there you can build your mission. Most of us alcoholics have been running away from ourselves for a long time. It's not always an easy journey back to our true natures but the reward is a rich and full existence.
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Old 05-19-2018, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by sherlockholmes2 View Post
125 days for me, which is great but...

I'm angry all the time
I don't look forward to anything
I can't find any joy in anything
I'm so irritable and impatient with everyone including myself
Life just feels boring
It feels like the world is ganging up on me and everything that can go wrong is going wrong

I'm annoyed with myself for feeling this way, but I am beginning to wonder if all of this is worth it. I mean, what's the point of not drinking to be healthier and live longer if that life is just miserable?


When I got sober at the age of 35 my life was in shambles.

In sobriety I've had plenty of bad days, weeks, months and even a few bad years.

However no matter how I spin things I can never convince myself life was better the last years of my drinking than whatever is going on in sobriety.

I never wanted to stop drinking and wouldn't have if I thought I could continue. But I didn't.

I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And all the on-going drama which surrounds alcoholic behavior.
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Old 05-19-2018, 09:40 PM
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125 days is pretty damn awesome. I’ve been at this (this time) for about the same amount of time but have had a few slips so I decided to stop counting days. I agree that simply refraining from alcohol does not solve all life’s problems and the numbing effects of alcohol are great. Two beers in and alcohol crosses the blood brain barrier and calm euphoria sets in. 8 more and life’s good.... then the next day. And it’s crap.... unless it’s the weekend and I crack a beer at 7:30am. After a while it all
Falls apart for me. Increased anxiety, depression. Interpersonal problems. Work problems. For me happiness is not possible while drinking. I didn’t even recognize myself. I didn’t do any of the things that used to make me happy. I hated my job. My relationship in shambles. Not really present for my four year old. That realization was rock bottom. I decided to not just stop drinking. I decided to change my life. I quit. I joined the gym and go five days a week. I stopped watching tv and started listening to educational podcasts. I walk every night. I started to learn meditation. I cleaned my diet up completely. Lost 15 pounds. I decided to replace chaos with discipline. I comitted to me. That discipline has given me a real sense of freedom. I do what I do now regardless of how I feel. Don’t want to get up in the morning. I get up. Don’t want to go to the gym today. I go. If I really don’t want to go I tell myself if Tomorrow I still feel this way I won’t go but today I’m going. I am definitely not perfect and I know I will fail at things in the future, but I’m comitted to just getting up the next day and not failing that day without looking back. No guilt. Love yourself. I ask myself how would I treat me if I loved myself and wanted what’s best for me. Then I try and do that. Its not always easy but it’s satisfying
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Old 05-20-2018, 03:18 AM
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Congratulations on 125 days! I’m at 19 months. I totally understand. Stick with it - it does change. It took me about 6-12 months before I began (BEGAN) to find much joy in life without alcohol. Only recently have I noticed a bigfifference.

Stay the course - it’s worth every bit of the patience it takes!
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Old 05-20-2018, 04:04 AM
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125 days is a great start, but it's still pretty early in sobriety. Many of us spent years (in my case nearly 30 years) destroying ourselves with alcohol. So why is it that we think a few months should "cure" us?!?

As others have said, recovery is about rebuilding our lives. Yes, you'll have to now deal with your emotions, rather than trying to escape them. You'll also have to find something else to do with your time. What kind of things were you interested in before you started drinking? I've rediscovered some hobbies that I long ago abandoned because they cut into my drinking time.

Whatever happens, please remain sober. Things WILL get better, but it's up to you to make it happen!
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Old 05-20-2018, 07:48 PM
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A lot of people deal with this early on.

It's the act of recovering . In a lot of ways early on, I felt like a bigger mess because I was so all over the place. I really thought "THIS SHOULD FEEL BETTER THAN THIS!!!"

What it was, was, I was doing all of this new stuff dealing with life without booze and I didn't know how to do it. It simply became a matter of going through the motions until my emotions could catch up and stabilize with the time I put in. Things will level out and make more sense the more time you put in.

I really wished some of the 12 step programs didn't sort of candy color some of the "miracles" of the 90 in 90, or the 6, 9 or 12 month markers. These aren't magical times. My whole first 14-15 months I was frustrated and bewildered more than not.

It does get better though. Or I wouldn't have kept doing it. Sometimes, sobriety is down right beautiful.

I'm going to lose my father soon. I'm dealing with that a lot better than I would have 2 years and 2 months ago. Back then I probably would have left a wake of destruction for my family to clean up for months and cause incredible damage.
Now....he'll probably slip away, I'll deal with it over the coarse of a few days and move on.

That's the miracle. That's the recovery. If you hang in there...you'll be able to handle life as it comes and not wanna hit the bottle every time life serves a slice of s#it.

Hang in there.
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Old 05-20-2018, 10:20 PM
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In the big book of AA the natural state of the alcoholic without alcohol and not working on their recovery is described as 'restless, irritable, and discontent'. And it was being in that state for too long that made me firstly want to die, and eventually made me take peoples advice and work on my recovery by getting a sponsor and doing the 12-step recovery program. Thank God I did. Life looks a lot different to me today.

What are you currently doing for your recovery Sherlock? Perhaps there is something that you could add in. Gratitude Lists might be a good thing to start with as they're simple enough. Some folk do them on the threads on here.

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