Thanks for your post. I dont know what to say because I have felt the same way. I am just getting by and trying to to the next right thing in the moments of my days.
It's why I consider the first year "new to sobriety". It takes way way longer to become settled and most people don't give it the chance so 125 days is an accomplishment.
I have good months and bad months, low periods and really peaceful happy periods. I've been in an extended low lately but usually, it's self care.
Self care sometimes means being selfish. what do you need that you are not getting? alcohol is not the answer.