Well you know what I realized after my mother hanged herself? How I see my father now? No one cares about anything or anyone. That's the reality of this life. My dad has nothing anymore since she killed herself. His other children are long gone and pay him almost no attention. If it wasn't for me being a loser and living in his house he might hardly have any interaction with people.
I read something in I think 'Day by Day' recently to the effect of "There is no future there is only now" it just rings hollow to me.
I don't have any friends, my father is my best friend. And he's given up on life. His life-partner (my mom) hanged herself....why the hell shouldn't I just say to hell with this life and go on the street and drink?
Everything is going to fail. Maybe you work your butt off and get a house, but there is no guarantee your health (or sanity) will last so your house that you worked tirelessly gets seized or something...for what?
I just don't know if any of this life makes sense...or is worth the hassle.
I'm going on 16 months sober (twice as long as my longest ever stretch of sobriety) and I am getting physically worse, not better. This isn't how this was supposed to be.