Originally Posted by
soinlove 
it’s the booze taking up my place in his life right now— I hate it. I need him to be present, to be accountable. When I’m there visiting I see an evening cocktail or two, no more and never waking up late for work. But the anxiety this causes me is mind boggling, why? again? I need him to be ok
Please don't take this as harsh but just because you need him to be ok doesn't mean he is going to be. He is an alcoholic, he wants to drink and drink and drink. That actually has nothing to do with you per-se, it's what addicts do.
Now, if you want to be in this relationship with him you are going to have to accept that. You don't have to LIKE it, but you do have to accept it. It is part of his life, a big part and you didn't mention him saying anything about quitting or rehab or 12 step meetings or anything so I'm going to assume he is happy the way things are.
Originally Posted by
soinlove We are each very intelligent, responsible, high functioning people with good paying jobs, each with our own baggage, few know the real stiff. We won’t give up on the other tho
Alcoholism is progressive. I don't know if you have had time to read around the forums, in particular the stickies at the top of this forum and the alcoholism forum.
If not, you might want to start here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
With alcohol, as with any drug, the need to increase the dose is required to achieve the same result. Alcohol changes the brain.
I'm sorry you are in such a tough spot, i'm sorry you are so worried about him but until he is ready to take steps to stop drinking this is what you can expect.
Have you attended Al-Anon meetings at all?