Originally Posted by
MarieLouise 
we spoke yesterday and he finally admitted that he had "turned to alcohol" in the last year or so. I asked him AGAIN why did HE decide to have a child if he had any inclination that he was unhappy, and he just kept saying if he didn't do it then it never would have happened, but that divorcing was the only option because we were "destroying each other." It's such crazy talk. We have achieved so much success together. Both financially and personally. How were we destroying one another?
I think he means just what he said. To think that you will NEVER have children is a big deal. Even though it may seem optional when you are 25 as you and your spouse get older the fact that it may never happen is very real. Now, was it a good idea for him to ever have children, sure doesn't seem like it, but it would appear, from what he stated that wasn't a factor he decided to use later on.
You can add to your list that he encouraged you to have a child with him while knowing you would probably end up being mostly a single parent.
As for destroying one another, maybe not being able to be what he is, comfortably, was destroying him. He is an alcoholic, he wants to drink. You mention friends told you they saw him paying in cash for alcohol, why were they telling you that? Why were they reporting back to you? Did you have some kind of agreement with him that he wouldn't drink (before the baby).
So then he decides it's a go with the baby, promises to quit going to bars all the time etc. Well the reality is he doesn't want to do that. His drive to drink is stronger than anything, he will give up his wife and his daughter for alcohol. It's not that unusual (sorry to say, I know this is very hurtful for you).
You wanted him to be one thing, he is another. He promised you things and he is not carrying through. It's a horrible thing for you.
He is an addict.
I hope you have had time to read around the forum a bit, especially the stickies at the top. The more you know about alcoholism the better.