Thank you.
Seriously wavering now having been told I've been defensive, not stopping and listening to a different point of view, burying my head in the sand, having excuses to absolve myself of fault.
To the point I've been googling "have I been defensive by standing up for myself".
Whenever I try to get my point of view across I'm told I'm being defensive. We never address her behaviour, oh yes, we do, her behaviour is because of what I've done, and how I've been, or what I've not done.
My earlier confidence is ebbing.
I don't want to stand there anymore and listen to her tell me that "I've let things slide" that "I'm the monster in the relationship".
The other day she said something - that rang a bell in my head - that said "thats not right" but my anxiety has erased it from my memory. I remember thinking about what she'd said and how wrong it sounded but I cannot remember it now. But it was like a lightbulb flashing on - confirming some of my thoughts about her. I've tried to remember it but I can't - it's gone apart from the memory of knowing it was important.