I think the most important thing to hang on to, Poppet, is the idea that just because she is telling you that you have the power to "fix things" for her, you don't. No one does, except her, and she hasn't accepted that doing so is HER responsibility. But it sounds like YOU are beginning to accept that, and that's wonderful. I'm sorry she is still treating you terribly and gaslighting you (I understand you said "it's not been too bad" lately, but I have to tell, it sounds just as bad as ever).